So, I watched this really personal TED Talks, personal to me. It was about vulnerability and the power of being vulnerable and everything good about vulnerability. I was mentally exhausted of protecting myself — it did no good. All I could then see were opportunities to be vulnerable. I wanted to be more vulnerable. Yes/no thoughts were answered before even being processed; doing that will make me vulnerable? Yes? I’m doing it. Of-course my less vulnerable ‘previous’ heart/soul/mind, which was being egged on by natural human instinct, tossed and turned, tried to hold me back, to protect me …perhaps? “Oh well.” I said, “That. Is. Bullshit. I’m going to be vulnerable, and you are not stopping me.”

It was this thing about understanding the detrimental effects of being vulnerable but still doing them that appealed to me, and I mean really appealed to me — greasy burger on a day when you crave a greasy burger kind of appeal. I have never let a burger craving go, soon enough they are sated — and fat-regret rarely followed. So why can’t I crave and consume vulnerability without regretting it later on? I can. I will. And I did.

Life changed. It really did. I was free; I was no longer a prisoner of another human’s potential reaction. I did it all for me. I didn’t care about your reaction, or his, or hers, or theirs. Just mine. Proportionally, an increase in vulnerability is an increase in happiness and opportunity. Because vulnerability is just a lot of ‘what ifs’ amplified. My niche isn’t numbers and my arch-nemesis is Math, but my life’s probability of happiness just increased a whole lot. And I was able to calculate it all too easily.

Then came the realisation that happiness isn’t necessarily a positive outcome. It’s satisfaction from within. Vulnerability is truth and vulnerability is satisfaction. It is doing what your heart pleases, aware that your desired outcome may not be achieved — actually, your desired outcome may fail so hilariously and terribly. But knowing that diving in head first is better and stronger than locking it down to ferment, and thus leaving your soul trailing with an odour of regret.

Screw everyone and everything, really, just go on and do it. You’ll be surprised at how good this new scary-vulnerable-badass-let-me-embrace-failed-attempts way of life feels.

They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn’t talk about vulnerability being comfortable,nor did they really talk about it being excruciating — as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing.They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, “I love you” first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They’re willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. They thought this was fundamental. — Brené Brown