The Journey Within…

You open your eyes, but it’s dark all around. Not the dark that you’re used to, with a glimmer of light making way through tiny crevices. This was an absolute dark; one in which you cannot even feel your body. The silence pierces through your ears, threatening to make you deaf. Never before has your voice felt so loud. Never before have you realized that there resides two people within you, with a voice of their own.

A distant glimmer of brilliant white light fades in to your vision, but the sudden onset of bright light doesn’t hurt your eyes. You realize that you’re not seeing through your eyes. You look around and you look below, but you find no body and you find no physical presence. You see a red liquid flowing below but you can’t feel it. You are a body-less entity.

You are drawn to the brilliant light, like moths to flame, yet you seem to be in control of yourself. You realize that you seem to be in a tunnel, full of wet walls that appear to be very soft. You try and navigate yourself through the myriad tunnel like formations, each forking off into lesser tributaries or joining larger ones. You go straight towards the light, always choosing the tunnel which enables you to see the light. The brilliant light stays constant, never ever appearing to come closer, yet never seeming too far. The light lights enough of your path to see ahead, but never far enough for you to know what lays ahead.

As you go ahead, other paths, more greener, more prettier, appear. You look down and you see you’ve assumed the shape of a toddler. You have tiny hands and tiny feet, yet you are still in mid-air, defying gravity. You look to your left and right, and you see images that make you excited and happy.

“Don’t go there,” the voice that is soft warns you. “Follow the light.”

“It’s just a quick detour. We’ll be back in no time!” the other voice lures you.

The white light still makes you curious, and you try to reach out and hold it, but it’s too big to fit in your palm. You decide to venture ahead, towards the light.

The path goes on, your body grows and now you’re a teenager. Bigger, better and more exciting things entice you and urge you to detour. This time, the soft voice loses and logic comes into play.

Just a small detour won’t make any difference! I’ll be back towards the light in no time!

The other tunnel is dry and homey. It has hard walls, a carpeted floor and things to keep you occupied. It has an artificial light, more like a fire than a bright white light. A light which doesn’t seem harsh, but welcoming. At the beginning there is only one thing, and that keeps you occupied for a limited time. After it gets old, you go in search for newer things. You create things that have no use to you. This search is different from the journey to the white light. This search helps in keeping the mind occupied and doesn’t force it out of it’s comfort zone.

“Let’s go now! We have to know what the white light is!” the soft voice tries and reminds you. But you’re too occupied filling the holes, left by your previous worldly objects. You lose your toy and try and fill it up with a different toy. You lose a person, and you fill the hole with another. Filling the holes is easy. A possibly unending journey towards a possibly non-existential object is tough.

“The right thing is always the tough thing! You’ve gotta remember that!” the soft voice tries and reminds me.

“Why should we do the tough thing? Then what’s the point of all this? Are we sent here to suffer? This is nonsense. We must do what makes us content and happy. Anyway, we have a long time here. We can go to the light later”, the harder voice told. You choose the hard voice because it serves your comfort.

The holes get bigger and you search for bigger things, more things to fill them. You fill them with money, worthless conversations and fair weather friends, jokes at expense of others. You do everything that will take your mind off the single most important thing : your conquest for the light.

By now, the soft voice is non-existential. You forget that it ever existed. You put it down with all the bullshit of the world that you can. You appear to be very hip and cool, but you’re only a coward. A coward who can’t face their inner demons and make the first bold step.

Your body is frail now. Your spirit, damp. As you’re left alone more and more, you remember about your dear little friend with the soft voice. You try and communicate with it, but it takes time. You’ve almost forgotten how to! But it comes back, slowly and surely. You remember about the white light, and it’s brilliance. You set off on the journey once more, but it’s harder this time. Your body is frail, the way is long and most of the time is spent in coming out of the holes that you filled in. A glimpse of the light energises you.

You toil and toil, the light no nearer than before. Regret fills your mind as the memories come unbidden. You regret the time wasted in chasing imaginary things. You laugh at yourself, realizing how you made fun of dogs chasing after cars. Your body gives in, and you sink to the ground. For the first time, you feel the red liquid, scalding hot and burning, almost acidic in nature. You want to scream, but you laugh. You want to listen to the hard voice, the voice that comforted you, but it’s nowhere to be heard. You want to go on, but your body is being consumed. You want to see the light, but your vision closes and with one small arc, the light is gone.