Women, how can we trail blaze to the top?
Crossing boundaries. Embracing new opportunities. Making dreams come true.
Ladies, let’s re-shape our own perception of how we view ourselves. Let’s open ourselves to any opportunity that takes us closer to our dreams. When an opportunity knocks at our door, let’s shine like a star — and not flame out.
This is a call for women to cross boundaries that are defined by the society.
Last month, I took up an Executive program at London School of Economics (LSE). I was excited to go to LSE, learn new things and meet some interesting people. I shared this news with some friends and most part of my conversation went like this-
Me: Hey! I’m taking a course at LSE
Friend: Cool!!
Me: I’m so excited!
Friend: Nice. What about the baby?
Yes, baby. I’m a mom of a one and a half year old.
After a few conversations, I realized that my friends were more interested in knowing how I would manage the baby and less interested in the program. Eventually, I stopped telling people that I was going to LSE.
Later, I wondered if my husband took the same program, would people ask him the same question? I don’t think so!
Last week, I moderated a panel discussion on “Women on Rise” at the Diversity Summit hosted at Tech in Asia in Bangalore. We had some amazing women on the panel from different walks of life who shared some great insights. Few days before the event, while I was preparing for the panel discussion, I started to think more about the challenges in achieving leadership/ management positions, like -Why do we have few women in leadership or management position? Is it really because women lack opportunities in a work environment? Or, is it simply because they are not interested?
To understand this better, I ran a small poll with 25 of my friends (both men and women) to understand the issues. The question was-
Why don’t women take leadership/ management roles in technology or non-technology companies?
a. Not interested in management/ tech industry at all
b. Did not know that was a career option for women
c. Reasons like society/ upbringing/ family
d. It is very far fetched
e. It is a man’s world
More than 80% of them said it is option C, that is, reasons like society/ upbringing/ family. What does this mean? Women like (Or don’t mind) technology. They are ready to battle it out in the so-called “man’s world” and they know it is not far fetched. But, women choose to succumb to family or societal pressure.
During the panel session at TIA, one person in the audience, Megha Bhagat, a consultant for a non- profit organization, asked, how can we educate our husbands or families about encouraging women to pursue their career, especially, after they are married or have children. Another woman said her family had asked her to stop working after she was married, and she questioned, why aren’t families supporting? These questions and conversations made me think of a woman’s dilemma or challenges. How do we handle such situations?
There were some refreshing thoughts shared on this post “Why do majority of Indian men feel that women shouldn’t work after marriage?”on Quora. Thank god, there are some encouraging men out there!
In North India, many parents (from lower, middle or upper class) perceive women to manage children and household needs. A girl child’s interest in pursuing a career is not nurtured. So, unfortunately, there is no aspiration to begin with. In South India, the situation is slightly better.
With improved access to education and work opportunities, women are entering the workforce. But later in life, the Indian society structure still leans chauvinistically towards having the woman giving up her career or take the slow path and manage household needs. With increasing pressure from family, women give up their career aspirations.
Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore. — Lady Gaga
I am an Indian woman. I’m into Venture capital. I’m a mother. And I want to be successful in my own way. But I’m not a feminist, and I want to help find solutions for women who are limiting themselves fearing the social stigma. I bet most women who have limited themselves are not happy.
This write-up is a call to all women to cross boundaries that the society has drawn. This is not just about asking women to take up a career, but it is about making “a women’s” dream come true- this could be in technology, management, entrepreneurship or pursing academia. It is about being open to every opportunity that comes our way — despite being a wife or mother!
What can you do when you are in a dilemma? What can we, women, do to encourage each other to pursue our dreams. Or what can we do when there is a friend who is in the verge of giving up a career for societal reasons. Based on my past learnings, here are some things that you can do-
- Put the society to sleep
While the universal belief is that women need to take care of household or mothers need to be around children all the time, there is another belief. A belief that every woman should be given a chance to live to her fullest- and this need not be in the kitchen or with babies only.
A woman staying at home is fine if it is a voluntary decision and not out of emotional or societal pressure. But if you have a big dream, you have to decide to put the society’s talking heads to rest. Don’t allow anyone put an end to your dreams. Take that first step.
2. Work with your workplace
Talk to your company and insist on introducing programs that will spread awareness amongst your male counterparts or families in workplace. This will help many male co-workers and families understand women better, through which they can encourage their partners/ wives to pursue their dreams. Programs could be structured around sharing ideas on how to empower (financially and intellectually) the wife during the stay-at-home phase or encourage her to pursue her interests and help transition back into the work-force/academia when they are ready etc..
Through the Diversity Summit panel discussion, I learned that there are some corporates like Target that have recently launched awareness programs that help sensitize the situation through role-play programs and build awareness amongst men. These programs not only help men develop awareness, but it will also help develop empathy towards other women co- workers.
3. Find an equal partner
This is a tough one; but this will work wonders for you.
Sheryl Sandberg explains this the best- “When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.”
I was very lucky with my husband.
4. Buddy systems or Women groups like Lean-in
Joining hands with women at work, housing society or family can comfort you. Make a friend that you can help or you can seek help from regularly. Join groups such as, Lean In, a nonprofit organization and online community dedicated to helping all women achieve their ambitions.
Another great way to draw inspiration is by reading books or attending events.
5. Pay it forward
Some of us are lucky to have a great husband or family support. Some of us are lucky to have an encouraging mentor or boss. Some are not fortunate. Let us think of ways to pay forward a good deed that we received- it can be just making a connection or just motivating your friend through a pep talk. A small gesture could change someone’s life and take them closer to their dreams.
While it looks like a man’s world out there, let’s find a way to do what we have to do. Don’t put an end to your dream because you are a wife, daughter in law or a mother. Let’s find a way to work quietly behind the curtains and move to the top. It is easier said than done. It is hard. It is painful. It is challenging. But at the end of this journey, there is a lot satisfaction.
So, let’s stop drawing lines, particularly the ones that are defined by societal or family pressure. Let’s figure out a way to make it happen. Let’s find a solution for every obstacle in our way. Let’s re-shape our own perception of how we view ourselves. Let’s trail blaze our way to the top and achieve our dreams!
“You can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them.”- Shonda Rhimes.
