Every time I travel I find myself inspired to write. Well, let me correct that. Every time I travel by means of transportation other than my own car. It seems that any time I step out of the driver seat I am put into a different mind set. I am able to reflect on the many things that I am constantly thinking about. Also, I see more.
Usually, its the plane. Something about being above the clouds so far away from reality opens my mind up, clears it of all things stress. I feel as if I have no choice but to write down the things running through my mind because up there I have no pressure to complete all the tasks of life. Well, I do have the pressure but I choose to not think about it. I choose to shut it out and I do not shame myself for doing it as I usually do down on the ground in reality.
Today, today I took the train. This is my first time on one of these and I have to say, it is pretty nice. Despite the many stops we have to make and the very slow pace we are traveling, the peace and the view is remarkable! Being able to sit down and watch the ocean as it performs its beautiful daily routine really transports me to a place that I can only attempt to put into words.
A place of surreal serenity. A place that I do not get the chance to get to often. A place that makes me want to never leave my seat. A place that makes me suddenly ignorant to the issues existing in my life. A place that reminds me of the many miracles in this world that I take for granted on a daily basis.
Looking out the window, I see children of all ages, on beaches, in front yards, on drive ways, waving so hard their entire body shakes. The smiles on their faces are so big that they fill their entire face. Why do they get so excited to see a train move? Is it because they know there are a lot of people inside? Are they simply excited to say hello to the passengers? Or, is it that they are fascinated by the idea of something so huge moving so fast? To be honest, its probably neither of those reasons. Children just like to face things beyond their understanding and there only way to express that is through the emotion of excitement.
I wish that fearlessness and excitement for the unknown followed us into adulthood. When I can’t understand what is in front of me I get so afraid. I feel the need to try my best to plan for anything that might happen in my life and if my plan suddenly fails, I usually have another one ready, but if that one fails too, well that is when I get anxious. That is when I start to breathe heavily and my head starts pounding because I am no longer in control of what is happening. I no longer have a next step and it kills me because I think that not having a next step leads to nothing but failure.
It is at that point, when I no longer have control of what happens to me, when I am stressed and full of fear, that I wish I could be a child again. A child like the ones I watched waving at my train. Not afraid, but instead excited about the unknown, happy to encounter something I can not understand.
While I sit on this train I do feel that my problems, even the ones I do not have a plan for, are small. I feel like those children as I stare back at them with a smile on my face. But, soon this train will stop and I will get off, back into reality where the unknown is fucking terrifying.
We can never be kids again. That is the sad truth.