Daemon And Rhaenyra: Should You Ship HOTDs “Hottest” Couple?

After a lackluster end to Game of Thrones, one of the most epic TV shows the world has ever seen, HBO’s House of the Dragon has completely reinvigorated public interest in George R.R Martin’s Westeros.

The show is a whirlwind of political intrigue, power struggles, and feudal feminism, but at its center is one of the most titillating and controversial couples in recent TV history: Daemon and Rhaenyra Targaryen.

[SPOILERS ahead for House of the Dragon season 1! If you haven’t watched, don’t read xox]

The Grossest, Hottest Couple On TV

For those who aren’t in the know (Hello? Why are you even reading this?) Daemon and Rhaenyra share the same last name, not because they’re married, but because… they’re uncle and niece, with a solid 15-year age gap to boot.

And there have been all kinds of headlines coming out about how the “HOTD Audience is shocked” and “seriously grossed out” by “Targaryen incest,” but to be honest? That’s only half the story.

The other half is the somewhat unpalatable truth that millions of people have been shipping this fictional pair hard.

To say they’re the most shipped couple on the show is an understatement. They might be the most shipped couple on TV full stop. Atleast, they were before the last episode of the season.

Rhaenyra (played as a teenager by Milly Alcock and as a grown woman by Emma D’arcy) and her uncle Daemon (Matt Smith) share a connection that is obvious from their first scene together. Both are hotheaded and proud Targaryens (“they say we are closer to God’s than men” she muses in the show's first episode, and there’s no doubt that Daemon believes it), they speak to each other often in the Valyrian tongue, treating it as their own secret love language, and as Rhaenyra, um, “blossoms into womanhood” (ugh) she finds herself drawn more and more to her dark, rebellious uncle.

But after Daemon lures her out into Kings Landing for a night on the town, they come dangerously close to having sex in a city brothel. This incident soon gets back to her father, and Rhaenyra is quickly married off to her cousin Laenor.

The show then jumps forward ten years later, where eventually Dirty-D and Rhae-Rhae make it back into each other's arms, three violently ended marriages between them notwithstanding.

Everything Wrong With R+D

Now let me explain just about everything that is genuinely wrong with the dragon-riding couple that has managed to get under so many people's skins.

#1. The incest, obviously.

Before anyone comments, yes I know it’s a Targaryen tradition. For 300 years the Targaryen royal family rule Westeros and avoid diluting their bloodline via a long-held tradition of incest. And not the good old Medieval Europe-style royal incest where they just marry their first cousins. Sibling marriages occur in almost every Targ generation.

And that’s the argument a lot of people use. “In GRRMs universe it’s totally acceptable!” which is only half true. Yes, Targaryens are inextricable from their incestual traditions, but the rest of the population of Westeros still thinks it’s nasty. If they weren’t the royal family they’d have been publically condemned and executed.

Sorry folks but for me, incest is incest. We aren’t Targaryens and we don’t live in Westeros, so it’s still going to give people the ick no matter how many fictional centuries they’ve been practicing it for.

2. The power dynamic + age gap

What do we call it when an older adult in a position of authority seduces a younger and more impressionable person? We call it an “abuse of power,” right?

Because that’s essentially what the relationship is. An uncle who is 15 years older than his niece is always going to be in a position of power over her, able to take advantage of her foibles and naivety in whatever way benefits him.

Speaking of age, Young!Rhaenyra is between 14 and 17 during the first half of HotD, and Daemon is in his late 20s to early 30s. Seriously. Need I say more?

3. Daemon Targaryen is a really shitty guy

I don’t care how much you love this new platinum blond swaggeriffic version of Matt Smith! I don’t care how much Daemon loves his brother!! He is not a good guy and it only takes a moment of reflection to realize that.

Daemon Targaryen was written by GRRM as the definitive “gray” character, someone who doesn’t fit neatly into the confines of “good” or “bad.” And while show-Daemon does show his softer side when it comes to his brother, niece, and his second wife, he falls far closer to the “bad” side. He kills indiscriminately, as shown in the bloody city watch sequence from the first episode, and of course when he murders his first wife by crushing her head with a rock. He neglects one of his children because she hasn’t bonded with a dragon (not Targaryen enough for our rebel prince), and makes no attempts to comfort them when their mother chooses to self-immolate by dragon. Jesus Christ.

And of course, that brings us to the last scene we have of Daemon and Rhaenyra together when he literally chokes her (and not in the sexy way) because he’s upset that his brother told her about the magical white walker prophecy but never told him. So he’s also physically abusive.

If you needed any more evidence that there’s something deeply wrong with this relationship, that should serve as the last nail in the royal coffin.

Why Do We Love Toxic Love?

But anyone who’s ever been part of a tv/book-series fandom knows that a relationship being “deeply wrong” isn’t much of a deterrent.

Shipping has always fascinated me, ever since I was a 12-year-old girl discovering Naruto fanfiction for the first time. The fictional couples that fandoms choose to ‘ship’ can say a lot about individual psychology, as well as the way that societies and subcultures understand love, sex, and desire.

And intense fandoms often find themselves drawn to some of the most unhealthy potential relationships in their favorite shows, books, and movies. Whether it’s unhealthy power dynamics, creepy age gaps, literal incest, or all of the above, you’ll find thousands upon thousands of people who want nothing more than for them to just kiss already.

And is that the audience, or readers’ fault? We live in a time when 50% or more of what we’re watching is full of darkness and morbidity, where major studios make millions from exploitative TV shows about real-life serial killers and suburban tragedies.

Having a teenager and a grown man who also happen to be related is one of the last romantic combinations you could ever expect to find in one of the most popular and mainstream shows in the world. It is completely dark and so bizarre that of course, people are going to be hypnotically attracted to the “forbidden” dynamic playing out in front of them. And the more we condemn things and finger-wag the more likely some people are to be drawn to these things.

It’s Weird, But It’s OK (I Guess)

So by now I think I’ve made the case that this fictional husband and wife are in an unethical relationship. It doesn’t matter how much sex appeal Daemon has or how much of a #girlboss Rhaenyra is. And if you were exposed to this relationship in real life, you would (I hope) find it completely reprehensible. Because it is.

But does that mean it’s inherently wrong for people to root for this relationship or find it somewhat appealing?

No, I don’t think so. It’s fiction, after all.

Daemon and Rhaenyra as a couple are perfect bait for everyday people who just want to be sucked out of the boredom of real life. It’s a dark, warped version of the classic tale of the princess and the knight, and it’s completely removed from any kind of reality that we take part in.

I think we need to give people more credit — most of us know how to separate art from reality. Uncle/Niece incest is not going to be widely practiced and accepted 20 years from now because one TV show depicted it.

So to answer the original question…

Should you ship them?

Well, you should ship whoever the hell you want.

You’re entitled to feel however you want to feel about a fictional TV show and its characters, and you shouldn’t have to be ashamed of it or explain yourself. I know people who unironically loved Joffrey and Ramsay Snow — it is what it is.

Besides, it’s not the audience's fault that Milly Alcock and Matt Smith have absolutely electric chemistry, or that Emma D’Arcy and Smith look drop-dead gorgeous together.

The performances are screaming at you to root for them. If that’s an issue, then take it up with the showrunners, not the audience.

And if you look at the actual writing of the characters and their relationship, it becomes painfully clear that they are not meant to be seen as a good fit for each other, it’s not healthy, and it’s not going to end well. The writers are telling you that this isn’t a relationship to idealize or emulate.

So as long as you’re not trying to make the argument that their relationship is “Actually totally fine,” then who cares? There is so much more in pop culture consumption that’s worth criticizing, at least in my opinion (*cough* true crime *cough*).

So run off and write your Targaryen fanfiction and make your IG memes. I can’t say I’ll read them or follow you, but I applaud your commitment to the best fantasy show (and the weirdest married couple) on TV right now.