“Surreal Connection”

Allah is Omnipotent- EVERYWHERE in his knowledge. He can hear me when I shout at the top of my lungs. He can hear me when I whisper in hushed tones. If I was lost within the depths of the Amazonian forest, he is capable of hearing the unspoken words that flit across my mind. My supplications become my direct link to Allah- a link that I have the luxury to connect and reconnect without limitation to time and place. I’ve had many conversations with Him over the years, but during two specific instances I have felt a unique surreal connection. Moments like these have been far and few, making them highly memorable and unforgettable experiences for me.

My first moment was after my mom’s death. I remember sitting on the prayer rug at odd hours of the night and imploring to Allah to ease the pain in my heart. Losing my mom to death was just as hard a struggle as watching her cope with her chronic sickness for years. Tears would flow unconditionally as I reminisced about her short life that was plagued with illness and relentless pain. With each cascading tear, I asked Allah repeatedly for her forgiveness by considering her constant sabr and shukar despite the ill fate He chose to test her with. I beseeched Allah to have unconditional mercy on her believing soul so it knows no discomfort.

I asked Allah for these things on auto replay-the same things over and over and over again. Turning into a petulant child, I sat in corners crying with stubbornness, refusing to give up until my demands were met. I thought that if I cried hard enough and long enough with sincerity-perhaps Allah will finally accept my dua and grant me what I was asking for my mother. With my hands raised high, head bowed in submission, tears of grief flowing from my eyes- I felt Allah’s attention focused on me. I sensed a strong connection in my heart with Allah in those precious moments and knew that He was carefully listening to my desperate pleas for my mother’s forgiveness and peace.

My second moment was in Arafah on the Day of Arafah. As I was sitting in my tent, I was a little unhappy that I couldn’t walk up to the mountain of Arafah to make my supplications (as I had seen in pictures and videos of Hajj). I didn’t think that sitting in a tented camp I would feel the connection that would make duas pour out of my heart. Nevertheless, I found my spot in the middle of the vast tent and started praying. When I closed my eyes and started my discussion with Allah, I lost consciousness of my surroundings. The connection was instantaneous and I felt like I had teleported to another realm. Only two beings existed in this other worldly space inside my head: me and my Rabb.

As I am having this very emotional one sided conversation with Allah, ranging from saving me and my loved ones from the pits of Jahanum to making my dark under-eye circles vanish forever, my tears seemed to not have a plan on putting a stop to their flow. This steady stream ran easily from my eyes because with each succeeding supplication, I kept getting hit with the realization that Allah truly is Al Ghani and I will ALWAYS be in need of Him. As the Day of Arafah came to an end with the sunset, I couldn’t shake off an intense feeling of loss. The hour glass that was turned over in the morning as I entered Arafah had run out of sand. Time is irreplaceable, and one of the most momentous day of my life had come to an end. Time is irreversible, and the best day of the year favored by Allah had also come to an end.

So let’s talk to Allah every now and then. Let’s focus in our duas with the consciousness that He is listening. Because He is an avid listener. He wants to hear about our petty stories and convoluted problems. Nothing fazes Him because our impossibles will never be His impossibles.

— -ShamialaM

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