Silent

Shamla Naleer
Sep 3, 2018 · 3 min read

Ever since he started taking his first steps two days ago, clapping and cheering him up as he wobbled to and fro had become something everyone were looking forward to. Today the cheering and the clapping kept getting louder as friends and family kept arriving to celebrate the small guys first birthday.

The mother, finally making sure every number one cookie faced the same direction was distracted by her son’s loud cheerful laugh and the clapping of his chubby hands while everyone else was clapping alongside him. She couldn’t help notice that when he laughed, he laughed with his eyes.

It wasn’t long before her heart started caving in. She had been preparing herself for this moment; making affirmations and surrounding herself with positivity. People kept telling her time would heal everything, but this very moment proved them wrong.

She would relive this moment every year on the same day and she knew the pain wouldn’t fade.

How could she forget that it should have been a celebration of two. Two of them wobbling to and fro, two of them falling on their padded bottoms, two of them clapping and laughing and two of them promising her the world with their big brown eyes.

Exactly 365 days ago she cried the happiest tears she’s ever cried when she saw the two tiny humans she had given birth to. She didn’t know who came first, but the moment she saw them she knew she would use herself as human shield to protect them.

Starting that day her world seemed brand new. Everything came in twos not just the cribs and adorable little dungarees but also her happiness doubled. She was never annoyed when people kept asking her to repeat their names as the kept switching fingers between the two.

She celebrated every little milestone and recorded them in the ‘Little Baby Memory Book’ her best friend gifted her during the baby shower. Three months later right before she went to bed, she wrote in one of their books, “HE SMILED!! A perfect smile. Not a lopsided one like a week ago. A PERFECT ANGELIC SMILE!!”.

That was also the last time she saw that smile and the last time she wrote on his book.

That morning even before she entered the nursery she felt something wasn’t right. She was aware that every time one of them cried the other was triggered too. Today she only heard the hungry cry of one. Her steps kept getting heavier as she got closer to the crib. One of them looked peacefully asleep, not even flinching while his brother next to him throwing a tantrum. It wasn’t long before she realized he wasn’t breathing. She grabbed the stone-cold baby and all she could do was scream. A scream that blocked out her mind and she collapsed on the floor. The only thing she remembers next is her husband’s hopeless look on his face and tears streaming down his eyes.

She couldn’t imagine her son all alone in the cold hard ground. Her heart flays open every time she the image flashes in her mind.

THUMPPP!!! She heard a noise that bought her back to reality.

This time he had fallen on his face. She rushed to him even before her could open his mouth to cry, and hugged him closer to her chest and cried. She cried for all she knew and all she didn’t, for all she had and for all she lost. She closed her eyes and prayed that not even her worst enemy should go through the heartache and soul-searching losing a child brings.

She opened her eyes and the room was silent….

Painfully silent.

Shamla Naleer

Written by

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade