Protect your heart.
I know it’s Biblical. But it has always been so muddy to me.
As if I could suddenly stop the natural flow of my feelings. As if I could reject anything my heart is telling me for the sake of being safe. As if safety were more important. Like a dam fighting back rushing floodwaters.
You know. Because hearts are so logical. So practical. So rational.
Time and again what I hear is…
Protect your heart…No one is good enough.
Protect your heart…He will hurt you.
Protect your heart…Who is this man.
Protect your heart…Slow down, not everyone deserves you.
Protect your heart…Everyone is nice in the beginning.
Protect your heart…You are good at hurting.
Do they encourage a skeptic? That one should grip tight to reservations and reference them often…the paranoia…questions…doubt…fear…
More than anything though…do they not trust me with myself? That’s what I really feel. That no one trusts me with me anymore.
All my thoughts of protection are of cages and walls. But that’s not protection at all. That’s control. Limits. Fear. Sucking the life right out of a heart. I don’t want to love like that. It’s not romantic. It’s not real to me.
I don’t just love anyone. But I find a lot to love in everyone. I see greatness. I see faults. I see obstacles. I see red flags. I am alert.
Should I give my heart a coat to protect it from cold? Should I gift it with armor and shield? Should I hold its hand and keep it from stepping off the sidewalk?
I realize that protection is love. If I love myself, I will protect myself from pain. Surely there is a way to protect my heart without limiting it. Without utterly running from love. Rejecting it. Tell me how.
I’m not very good at lukewarm.
I get why people say it. An open heart is exposed and vulnerable to hurt. And hurt, hurts.
When it comes to protecting my heart…it would be much easier for me if someone could show me how. Explain to me if it is something other than being smart and ensuring I am on a path to what I really want out of this one life of mine. There is nothing I want more than genuine love without reservation. I understand the risks. Probably more than most.
If protecting my heart means that my heart is not free. I choose freedom in love.
For I believe all things work for good for a heart that is hopeful and pure.