Signs of a toxic relationship and when to get out.

Shan’s thoughts
Nov 1 · 4 min read

The phrase “toxic relationship” gets thrown about in society and I do feel that some people do not completely understand what it is as well as the ins and outs of it all.

A lot of people assume that a toxic relationship is when partners are constantly arguing all the time. However this is not always the case. Every relationship that you get yourself into – there’s gonna be issues, hardships and disagreements.

I can’t name you one relationship that is completely perfect. Real love is seen through caring about your partner and wanting the best for them, even if that means contradictions with points of view.

Here are some factors I believe make up a toxic relationship:

Number 1 – unhappiness and emotional draining

When you feel genuinely unhappy about meeting up with a partner or feel down when surrounded by them, that is a real issue.

You should want to spend every minute of every day with your partner, especially in the early stages of the relationship. It should get to a point, even after a long period of time, where you still can’t get enough of them.

If you feel that you are constantly crying and feeling emotionally and mentally drained by your partners actions as well as their general presence, that is not okay.

The majority of the time spent with your partner, you should feel happy and loved consistently.

Number 2 – constant fear

Feeling worried about how your partner will react seems common and a small issue but that is not completely accurate.

The constant fear felt about how a partner will react can be very impactful and can affect someone in a very bad way.

You constantly have thoughts running through your mind. Your ongoing overthinking about a situation can damage your thought process and how you look at certain situations. You become immune to not caring about what other people think and wanting to feel loved and appreciated is always on your mind.

He/she should not be making you feel like this in any way at all!!

Number 3 – knocking of self confidence

From past experience in previous relationships, I dealt with situations where my partner would bring me down in order to boost his own confidence and ego. But by him doing that, it would then completely destroy mine.

If they had openly expressed their insecurities about them self, I could have supported them even more than I already was doing.

Instead they chose to insult me – my personal appearance, education, personality etc. Everything was completely diminished.

If someone is bringing you down and making you feel so self-conscious, especially when you have never experienced that kind of thing, it tells you that it is time to get out.

As a partner they should be boosting your self-confidence, not lowering it.

Number 4 – manipulation/guilt tricks

Partners can be very manipulative and naivety is something a lot of people can be trapped under.

From previous experience, dealing with partners turning any type of blame onto you and continuing to make you feel bad about it, therefore causing you to apologise is something that should not be happening.

Until having stepped out of the relationship, I realised that I was apologising essentially for nothing.

When you are in a relationship, however, you become more weak and vulnerable when it comes especially to a first experience of having been manipulated into feeling bad. They take advantage of you unfortunately in that situation.

Being easily manipulated is never your fault and so do not blame yourself for any problems that your partner causes for you.

I have had to deal still now with the ongoing effects of what my previous partner done to me.

I still sometimes feel self-conscious and overthink a lot of situations and I am slowly improving this.

If it wasn’t for the love and support from my close friends, family and current boyfriend, I would not be as happy and positive as I am right now.

I thank every boy, girl, man or woman that has picked up the mess and broken pieces of another person and essentially put them back together after the destruction a toxic relationship has created.

Shan’s thoughts

Written by

I want people to express their views more openly in society and not be afraid to say what they believe. I hope I can bring this with my blogs and short stories.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade