Cynthia was so present, she became omnipresent

Local woman Cynthia Taylor had been practicing meditation and yoga for around five months when she started to lose her body and become an omnipresent spirit.

“I was so focused on being present that I became omnipresent,” Taylor said from inside my head. “Also, your mom wants you to call her but doesn’t want you to feel smothered.”

Taylor, a social media manager, had taken up yoga after a difficult breakup with her long-term boyfriend Bill. She quickly embraced it, crafting sun-salutation instagram posts and taking classes at studios that were hot, cold, and lukewarm.

“She seemed more relaxed and hyper focused on our conversations,” said Laura Adams, her college roommate. “She was so relaxed that she started bathing in essential oils. She spent $4,000 in a month!”

Taylor’s yoga teacher recommended meditation and after three sessions with the Headspace app, Taylor felt a noticeable difference that she had to tell everyone about even when they didn’t ask her.

“I started to know things before I had been told them,” Taylor told me as I took a shit. “I knew my friend Sara was having an allergic reaction to flax seed and called an ambulance for her. She lives in Seattle. I was in New York.”

With more practice, Taylor started losing her physical body and shifting into an omnipresent spirit. After her third transcendental meditation session, she noticed that she no longer could feel her legs but she could feel the anxiety of a 65 year old Duluth woman named Erica Pritchett.

“When I woke, I realized that my legs had completely disappeared. A week later, I had fully Cheshire Cated- all that was left, physically, were my eyes.” Taylor wrote in the steam on my shower door.

Taylor is now completely omnipresent joining the likes of God and Lemony Snicket. She keeps tabs on all of her family, friends, and the rest of the billions of people on earth. Her goal is to live her life as presently as possible.

“You only get one life to live so I’m going to make the most of it,” Taylor said to me through my roommate whose body she temporarily took over. “Actually, I don’t know if I can die without a mortal body. I’ll ask Lemony and get back to you on that. “

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