Why do some relationships fail?
Love is a strange thing and I believe people don’t usually choose who they fall in love with, but more randomly love chooses couples indiscriminately. Often those who seem to have masses in common fail, and the most unlikely couples have enjoyed wonderful lasting relationships.
So what really goes wrong with some relationships?
Usually the common or uniform aspect of when a couple gets together is that they are ‘in love’… it can be illogical and this first flush of love allows couples to be totally acceptant of each other’s differences:
He’s always at the football, but I love him, so that’s all OK.
She’s always telling me what to do, but I love her, so that’s OK.
This acceptant way of being can refashion into:
He’s always at the football, and it annoys the hell out of me.
She’s always telling me what to do, and it annoys the hell out of me.
When the passion cools
There will always be differences and a mutual long term acceptance of difference between couples is what’s needed to keep a relationship strong.
However, acceptance of differences is very easy to say, but sometimes very difficult to carry out.
As the passion cools, many people revert to their own conditioning and they begin to find their partners way of being doesn’t match theirs… in fact it grates upon them.
“I love him, but I don’t like him very much…”
These changes aside there are also the real-world difficulties, like money, jobs, children and parents that can make things more difficult.
How can the relationship be saved?
Having a flexible approach helps. Flexibility, acceptance of differences and thoughtfulness can be brought into a troubled relationship and turn it around.
Where all seems to be lost these elements can bring about a happy equilibrium for two people, where empathy and mutual support is the rewarding norm.
However, sometimes this process is extremely difficult for couples to manage on their own… they are too close to each other and become blinded by a defensive and destructive ‘tit for tat’ way of communication.
Many couples simply do not have the required knowledge or expertise to make their relationship work again, which is why facilitation with a councellor can really help them.
Learn more at www.emotionalskills.uk