Table manners

7th March 2016

To the Marble Arch yesterday afternoon for some light (which turned out to be not so light) refreshment. My favourite boozer. Managed to get a table, shouted up a round for the Main Squeeze and me and got comfortable.

After a time 3 folks rolled up, an older lady, a sallow looking ginger bloke of about 30 and his girlfriend who was decked out in a fuchsia pink sari, had bleached cropped hair, perfect make-up and was generally striking, if a bit thin for my tastes. Turned all the blokes heads in the pub (including mine). No doubt about it, she was a looker!

After MUCH fannying around with the bar staff and generally mithering, the older lady went off never to be seen again, and another male friend turned up. After FURTHER cogitation (and we’re talking a good 15 minutes all in all by now) they decided to buy a drink and sit down. Right next to the Main Squeeze and me.

So this young woman has a diet coke, and is sat next to the Main Squeeze and opposite me. She proceeds to start sipping this drink accompanied by a sound that’s akin to a plumber unblocking a rather troublesome sink. This noise can be heard above the hubbub in the boozer. I’m not making this up!

Anyway they decide to order food. 3 Veggie burgers and the attractive lady doesn’t want a bun(!?). Judging by the amount of meat on her bones she could do with having a steak pie. Anyway, by this time the entire pub is clocking this triumvirate with mild contempt. Ordering soft drinks and vegetarian food in the Marble is viewed askance and with suspicion. Suspicion that you might be a bit of a woolly middle class tosspot.

So anyway I had to go to the loo, as I often do when drinking as I have the bladder of a six year old. On the way back I glanced in the direction of the sari clad maiden to see that she’s eating with her mouth open!!

Went right off her!