Lack of Support Where You Least Expect It

Your best of friends and closest family members are not exactly vocal about their support for you. You would love to hear them say, “Keep going…”, “You’re doing great so far…”, “I’m proud of you…”, but it seems as if even a simple private message is hard to come by.

Even the simplest act of liking your blog post, or sharing your website, even once, on a social media platform, seems like it may be a stretch.

The unfortunate fact may be that those who you would expect to be cheering you on, have no interest in your personal journey to fullfilment. It may hurt to come to terms with this, but the sooner you tackle this realization, the better equipped you will be to move forward regardless of perceived support.

I have spent some time recently, thinking deeply about friendships, family, and the unspoken expectations that may be inherent in these relationships. One of the most important conclusions that I have arrived at is: I cannot expect others to support and love me in the same way that I love and support them,

That’s just it. Point blank.

I believe that the expectation that this support will be reciprocated with the same intensity is the source of so many conflicting emotions for me, and possibly for many others.

I may support my loved ones, and encourage them every step of the way, regardless of what their dreams/goals may be. You want to one day hula dance on the moon? Of course I’m going to encourage you to be the best darn lunar hula dancer you could possibly be. I used to believe that, once you give a certain kind of support to others, then these same people would, no doubt, do the same.

Now, I am learning to separate myself from expectations, and I have been doing better for it. You won’t feel better right away. I admit, the distance of some of my loved ones can still be a sore spot, but it does get easier each day.

There may be a number of reasons why you do not get the support from the people that you would most expect it from. Some may be:

- Their Own Feelings of Inadequacy:

I see my loved ones as genuine and caring, but it may be a reality the lack of positive energy that I feel from them may be manifested due to their own feelings of inadequacy. This inadequacy may not be readily visible, or easy to deduce. Does this mean that your close friend has always held ill-feelings towards you? No, that’s not necessarily the case. However, never underestimate the power of another person’s negative energy to deplete your own positive energy.

- They Don’t Believe That You Can Succeed:

I will be the first to admit that this possibility may be the hardest for me to swallow. I think of you as one of my best friends/a close family member — why would you NOT want me to succeed? Is that even possible? It may seem like a slightly ridiculous notion, but it is a reality for many people. There may be a number of reasons why your loved ones do not believe that you have the potential to succeed. It could be that they are not familiar with the unconvential path that you have chosen to take with your life, or you may not have been open to following in their own footsteps or partnering with them on a particular venture. Another possibility is that they do not believe that you have the ability and/or determination necessary to progress towards your goal.

- They Do Not Know That You Expect Support From Them:

Seems a bit contradictory, doesn’t it? Many people believe that it should be an unspoken ‘rule’ and expectation that support should be given by loved ones. Ok, you haven’t received any enlightening or encouraging vibes from your friend. You, undoubtedly, feel a bit disappointed. It may be the furthest thing from your mind, but even if it is a slight chance, it may be that they have no idea what you expect from them. I may go even further to say that you just may not be on their radar whatsoever. Harsh, but it may just be reality.

Now, what can you do?

1. Keep Pushing!

The fact of the matter is, YOU are living your life for YOU, and this life is happening right now. You are not an understudy in a dress rehearsal for a Broadway play. You are existing in this reality right now, and as cliche as it may sound, this is your one chance to create the life that makes you fulfilled.

With this one life that you have, you owe it to yourself to live a life of passion and thriv

2. Stop Thinking About It/Stop Paying Attention.

So, one of the people who you have long designated as your best friend has never once given you an encouraging word about your new website. They have never once liked a blog post on social media, much less share it to their 10,000+ FB friends. Yet, often they appear on your news feed sharing random corny inforgraphics and passive aggressive quotes?

Don’t even think about it!

Seriously, stop paying attention.

The more you notice those things, and the more you think about how simple an encouraging word could be to brighten your resolve for your new venture, the more you will be dedicating mental space and overall energy feeling sad and betrayed. Your energy could more appropriately be designated to create more content and do more of the awesomeness that you know you are capable of.

It all comes down to live and let live. So what if you have always been a suppportive force behind them, regardless of what they wanted to pursue?

So what if you doubt that they have even glimpsed on your website?

Your passion can’t be driven by negative energy, and you have greater things to do with your time and energy than to seek the validation of others.

Understand that you may expect love/support the way that you give it, but it’s a harsh reality to come to terms with the fact that other people have their own way of doing things and you can’t force them to support you the same way that you do them

3. Talk To Them.

Sounds simple enough right? I know, I know. You would rather walk barefooted over hot coals than to have any confrontation, even of the most innocent kind, especially with someone that you love. Yes, you love them, and yes, you are hurt by their seeming inability to give you even the slightest consideration of support, but do you really want to open that can of worms.

In my opinion, if this is eating away at you everyday, even when you try to force yourself to minimize the magnitude of the situation in your mind, then just do it. I admit, I may not be the most ideal person to give this advice, because there are very few things I dislike more than confrontation. However, I can definitely attest to the enormous benefits that can arise from talking through something. Depending on the person’s temperament, this may become more explosive than you’d like, but if you don’t let them know that this bothers you, they may never take notice.

4. Surround Yourself With People Who Will Cheer You On.

Regardless of what you are pursuing, there are many opportunities to build a support system. Support may not come from where you likely expect it, but appreciate that it is there. This gives you a chance to develop new friendships and create a social system, whether virtual or not, to help you free yourself of negative energy.

You don’t need anything or anyone dulling your shine. Plain and simple.

There may be a thousand different reasons why your loved one just doesn’t support you or like what you are doing, or trying to do, but it may be in your best intesrest to just come to terms with that reality. You’ve been working hard to overcome your own personal doubts about living life passionately, you definitely do not need to add to it.

XO,
Shan

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