I have made an observation of sorts. Or perhaps come to an understanding.
As I grow older, I have become more willing to work with my mind, and it’s dysfunctions. I have learned the art of constructive negotiation and the benefits that a compassionate compromise… between my conscious brain and my subconscious malfunctions… can reap. It is a give and take system. Each of us having to be generous and willing to trade off individual traits for the greater good. As a younger and less experienced Me, plagued by incapacitating anxieties and depressions, I stubbornly refused to give up any of my perceived emotional “needs” whether it would help me or not to maintain a sense of normalcy.
Now, I value time spent out of depression’s grasp more than I value making demands of My mind that it cannot fulfill.
For instance, I gladly sacrifice my desire for sexual encounters in exchange for not having to travel the road of despair every few months. I once used orgasm the way a junkie uses their drug. If I had it, life was tolerable, pleasant almost. If I didn’t have it, the world around me started unraveling in an angry exponential fashion.
I am certain that a small adjustment in my stubborn outlook about my inner workings was all that was required to let go of that dependency. I don’t know exactly the moment it occurred. But I do know the moments since have been progressively more peaceful. And less like a looming disaster waiting to strike. My mind and Me….we work together now on some things. Not necessarily because we want to, or because we like to….because we need to.