Zombies

I have a Facebook account, as you do.

I use it for liking posts and photographs, sharing political topics and debates I’m interested in, news and the occasional humorous post (my favourite is the skater, although haven’t seen him around lately, be a shame if he gave up bringing joy to many and put on some clothes) and that kind of thing.

I get a few likes and comments, sometimes from surprising quarters, but nothing excited interest and engagement like: “does anyone know whether zombies can swim?”

It was an innocent question.

My friend and I are preparing for the zombie apocalypse. Well, more her than me. She already has two tents, three stoves, a tarpaulin, two kinds of sleeping bag, several knives, an axe and a saw (she also has an iPad, iPod, iPhone, secondary GPS gadget, I’m not sure these will work in an apocalypse). My contribution is moral support.

We’ve worked out that we need to head for the woods, out of the city, because they’ll probably get bombed (she’s convinced the apocalypse will come about through some kind of viral thing). The plan is I head north out of London towards Cambridge, pick up my friend from Canada who knows about outdoors stuff, then to Leicester for a friend who’s a good person to have in a fix, and besides, excellent at gallows humour. We need to get a little cart for him, because he can’t walk too far. Then the three of us will head to Sherwood Forest and catch up with our survival expert.

Anyway, there was a question about whether zombies could climb trees. How did they find people? We knew it wasn’t through sight because we’d watched Shaun of the Dead. Noise attracted them we thought.

I’m not sure how we got onto the whole water swimming thing, but we realised we had gaps in our knowledge and had to crowd source some answers. Posting on Facebook worked a treat. Everyone had an opinion, some people had done deep research, even I found that I knew far more than is good for me, enough to enter into healthy debate and get myself into trouble.

There is a wide cross section of people interested in zombies, sane and crazy. Zombies have to be the most popular monstrous thing around, even more than the dominus vampire and wildman werewolf.

(from November 2014)