This Is Thirty

Whether you’re in your thirties or approaching them, this one’s for you.

Photo by Marina Lima on Unsplash
  1. It’s freezing outside, but your heartburn is keeping you warm.
  2. Somehow, you have grey hair, fine lines, and pimples at the same time.
  3. Sleeping in? That’s waking up at like 8 am, right?
  4. You have ten different bills to pay each month, at least half of which are some type of insurance.
  5. You’re a full-blown vacuum cleaner aficionado and have more than you can count on one hand.
  6. You’re now decluttering and purging all the things you wasted your money on in your early twenties.
  7. You have a preferred brand of dish soap, all-purpose cleaner, and laundry detergent.
  8. You actually fold your clothes as soon as they come out of the dryer, then promptly put them away in your dresser.
  9. You have several investments and can almost distinguish between the different types.
  10. You use your credit card to build your credit score and earn rewards/points, not for the “extra” money you don’t currently have.
  11. Only in total emergencies would you ever start the dishwasher or washing machine outside of prime time.
  12. You prioritize safety over fuel economy, and you’ll gladly pay more for it too.
  13. You used to have a stomach of steel, and now you have a stomach that can’t tolerate much dairy, gluten, greasy/fatty foods, heavy meals, anything too sweet, eating too late…
  14. You completely missed the memo that all bathing suits, including the infamous one-piece, no longer offer any type of coverage whatsoever.
  15. You purchase furniture that’s not from IKEA, primarily because you have no patience for navigating IKEA.
  16. You have orthotics, prescription sunglasses, and a custom mouth-guard, all three of which you wear religiously.
  17. You have no time or energy left for hanging out at bars, dating musicians or shaving your legs — you hit that threshold a long time ago.
  18. So tension headaches are a real thing… A daily thing.
  19. Hungover on a Saturday? Not a chance. There’s cleaning, grocery shopping, and everything else left to do.
  20. Your social circle consists of the friends you make on your favorite Netflix series (did anyone else get way too attached to The Haunting of Hill House?)
  21. You’d love to “up and leave” on a spontaneous vacation, but you’ve got a child/partner/pet/a combination of all three depending on you every day.
  22. Weight loss? You mean winning the lottery?

Shannon Leigh is a writer, letterer and curious cat. To learn more, visit her site.