This Is Thirty
Whether you’re in your thirties or approaching them, this one’s for you.
- It’s freezing outside, but your heartburn is keeping you warm.
- Somehow, you have grey hair, fine lines, and pimples at the same time.
- Sleeping in? That’s waking up at like 8 am, right?
- You have ten different bills to pay each month, at least half of which are some type of insurance.
- You’re a full-blown vacuum cleaner aficionado and have more than you can count on one hand.
- You’re now decluttering and purging all the things you wasted your money on in your early twenties.
- You have a preferred brand of dish soap, all-purpose cleaner, and laundry detergent.
- You actually fold your clothes as soon as they come out of the dryer, then promptly put them away in your dresser.
- You have several investments and can almost distinguish between the different types.
- You use your credit card to build your credit score and earn rewards/points, not for the “extra” money you don’t currently have.
- Only in total emergencies would you ever start the dishwasher or washing machine outside of prime time.
- You prioritize safety over fuel economy, and you’ll gladly pay more for it too.
- You used to have a stomach of steel, and now you have a stomach that can’t tolerate much dairy, gluten, greasy/fatty foods, heavy meals, anything too sweet, eating too late…
- You completely missed the memo that all bathing suits, including the infamous one-piece, no longer offer any type of coverage whatsoever.
- You purchase furniture that’s not from IKEA, primarily because you have no patience for navigating IKEA.
- You have orthotics, prescription sunglasses, and a custom mouth-guard, all three of which you wear religiously.
- You have no time or energy left for hanging out at bars, dating musicians or shaving your legs — you hit that threshold a long time ago.
- So tension headaches are a real thing… A daily thing.
- Hungover on a Saturday? Not a chance. There’s cleaning, grocery shopping, and everything else left to do.
- Your social circle consists of the friends you make on your favorite Netflix series (did anyone else get way too attached to The Haunting of Hill House?)
- You’d love to “up and leave” on a spontaneous vacation, but you’ve got a child/partner/pet/a combination of all three depending on you every day.
- Weight loss? You mean winning the lottery?
Shannon Leigh is a writer, letterer and curious cat. To learn more, visit her site.