Wegovy 3: The Emotional Side
This is the third in a continuing series about my experience with the weight-loss drug Wegovy, which is similar to Ozempic.
Wegovy is designed to be used in increasing amounts, so for the first month, I am on a 0.25 mg, which will increase incrementally until I reach 2.4 mg.
During my first two weeks on Wegovy, I feel like I am on a rollercoaster: I vacillate between being comfortably full, to then ravenous, to then nauseated, to then bloated … and then back again to full.
I am also both wired and fatigued, like I am drinking three pots of coffee and then taking an opioid right afterward. I fly through the day until I crash in the afternoon, only to snap awake at 9:00 pm. I sleep through the night but wake up exhausted.
Along with the physical adjustments, there’s one I did not anticipate: the emotional adjustment. I’m unsettled and weepy, feeling exactly like I did at age four when my mom took away my Blanky to “wash it” … and never gave it back.
I turn to food when I’m upset, sad, stressed, or angry, and now I am feeling all those things … and I have no idea what to do with them.
I call my friend Kim, who had weight loss surgery a year ago and can now only eat half the amount of food she once did. Kim has lost 40 pounds but still struggles with wanting to eat.
“I feel like my head is disconnected from my body,” I tell her. “I want to eat all of the things but my body is like ‘no way’ … I think this is what they mean when they say, ‘you’re head is bigger than your stomach.’ Is this how you feel?”
“That’s it exactly!” she replies. “I want junk food, and sometimes I eat it, but it doesn’t give me the satisfaction I once did. I also can’t eat as much as I want, which makes it worse. I feel like I still have a ‘fat head’ if that makes sense.”
It does.
I have the head of a compulsive eater and the body of a normal one. This is a problem. I have learned through hard experience that binge-eating is a complicated, multifaceted disorder. Wegovy is a tool, not a cure.
I figure I better get some other tools to cope with life because if I don’t, my fat head will eventually lead to a fat body and I’ll be back to where I started.
Over the past several years, my binge eating disorder has made my life incredibly small. When I binge, I hide from the outside world, not answering the phone and declining the very few social invitations I still get. I am deeply ashamed of the weight I’ve gained — and continue to gain — which leads to even more isolation. Fortunately, I work from home so I’m able to be self-supporting despite the food insanity.
I vow to start rejoining the outside world, little by little, so I can start getting my needs met in healthier ways that don’t involve food. I want my life back. I’m ready.
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