I Finally Feel Good Enough for the Romantic Love I Desire

Photo of the author, in her feels.

Tonight, I cry.

I cry not because I’m sad, but because this desire is so big — it’s difficult for my heart to contain.

I find myself here again — sitting with myself in the evening. I place my hand on top of my heart and breathe into this familiar feeling, this longing of my heart. I release a big exhale.

I let go.

I allow the tears to gently stream down the sides of my cheeks.

I’m not sad. That wouldn’t be an accurate description of this feeling.

I’m simply in a moment of honesty with myself.

And I’m allowing myself to truly feel what’s there — lingering beneath the surface.

I had a wonderful day today.

I took some scary steps towards some big dreams of mine.

I got outside of my comfort zone.

I made a new friend.

I got myself a stock of fresh groceries.

And I want to share this — all of this— with someone.

But not just anyone —

My partner.

My soul mate.

My man.

My one true love.

I want to share it all with… him.

Whoever he happens to be.

I want to tell him about the conversation I had with a friend earlier today when I asked her to be a co-founder in my new business endeavor.

I want to tell him about the workout I did at this local gym I decided to try out.

I want to tell him about my new neighbor friend.

I want to ask him what he thinks about the new branding colors I selected for my podcast graphics.

I want to sit on the couch, place my hand on his thigh, allow the rest of the world to fade, and just be us for a while.

I want to look into eyes.

I want to hear all about his day.

I want to hear his reflections from the latest book he’s reading.

I want to play the new album I’m obsessed with, dance in the kitchen, cook dinner, and talk about all of the details of our day, together.

I desire this man — not because I feel empty, but because I feel whole.

I finally feel good enough, for the kind of love that I’ve wanted to experience my entire life.

I finally feel good enough for it.

Truly.

I’ve finally begun to let go of the stories that would play in my head telling me that I wasn’t “pretty enough”, “thin enough”, “sexy enough”, “funny enough”, “smart enough”, “successful enough”, “talented enough”, or “interesting enough” for a romantic relationship…

… for the relationship of my dreams.

I’ve spent so much time getting to know myself, I’ve done so much “work” on myself , I’ve found a sense of “home” within of myself — and something inside of me has shifted.

I am not perfect. I will never be. And I don’t want to be.

I am not at the level of success that I feel I “should be” at and I am ok with that. I am embracing the journey. And I want to share in this journey with a partner by my side.

I have insecurities, quirks, worries, judgements, fears, & stretch marks — I have all of it.

I have an extreme level of sensitivity & almost always take things personally.

I experience a lot of anxiety when trying new things & cannot sleep without my childhood stuffed animal in my arms.

And… I finally feel lovable despite all these perceived flaws.

I feel lovable — as I am.

And I want to be loved — for who I am.

Not for what I do or what I look like or who I strive to be — but for who I am. Right now. In this moment. And the next one. And the next one after that.

And I want to love a man — my man. In this moment. And the next one. And the next one after that.

With my entire heart. Unconditionally.

I want to scream at the top of my lungs, like Buddy-the-Elf “I’m in love, I’m in love, and I don’t care who knows it!!!”

I want to experience what it’s like to truly choose somebody else — and know deep down that in choosing him, I’m choosing me.

I want to witness myself not wish run away when things get difficult or when challenges arise, but rather feel myself desire to stay, lean in, figure things out, and deepen, in this, together.

I want to know what that feels like.

I’m ready to know what that feels like.

Eyes that feel familiar to my soul.

A laugh that makes my heart smile.

A hand that feels like a warm blanket around my own.

A mind that inspires me to see the world through a fresh pair of eyes.

I want a love that feels like the deepest, truest, purest love I’ve ever experienced in my life.

I want my best friend.

My partner.

My soul’s mate.

They say true love is your spirit recognizing it’s counterpart.

My heart has always felt a sense of comfort in that saying.

That’s what I want — my soul’s counterpart.

My soul is ready for her counterpart.

I feel that in the depth of my being.

I feel he’s close, yet I don’t know the details, the timeline — the who, the where, the when, the will I know right away? — is all a mystery.

Which is why — on night’s like tonight, when absolutely nothing is wrong — I cry.

Because I am allowing myself to feel deep into the core of this desire.

I am allowing it to be there — without judging myself as weak or labeling myself as needy.

I am allowing myself to honor this desire.

I’m allowing myself to trust in it.

I’m allowing myself to be with it.

To believe.

To know.

To once more, whisper out loud to the Universe, my affirmation of choice —

“Thank you for the most incredible man in the entire world.”

As I allow peace to settle inside of my body and love to radiate throughout my heart.

I know it’s happening, behind-the-scenes. I know it’s real. I know it’s for me.

And I will continue to feel, write, and pour my trust into the phenomenon they call “divine timing”. 🕊️✨