Finding Home Part Three: Homemaking, Baskets and A Tiny Happiness.
While I have been writing about finding and making myself a home, I’ve also been doing work around my apartment. Nothing huge, mainly rearranging my few pieces of furniture, cleaning, making the bathroom look pretty. The next logical step for me was to asses and start working on getting things for my apartment.
I’m starting with storage and organization. I’ve made myself a spreadsheet with links to items I need listed with their prices and links to where I want to buy them from. As I was doing this I realized why I haven’t done this already.
Having things like bookshelves, storage bins for my yarn, figuring out how I want things arranged means that I’m not leaving. It means that no one is taking my things, I am not suddenly moving and I have to let go of that fear. I’ve had a hard time with that regardless of the fact that I’ve lived in the same apartment for years now and it is my apartment, my name is on the lease and I pay the rent. I have always harbored the fear.
I’ve spent years telling myself that I haven’t purchased shelves and whatnot because of the cost. Because we don’t have a car, because it’s complicated- I put that aside and now I realize that while those things were involved, there was more.
I’m discovering a lot about my tastes and how I like to organize.
I have never thought about my preferences in this regard.
I like mesh or wire baskets.
For things like jewelry, I prefer hanging storage. I want to be able to look at my necklaces.
Now I understand why so many people I know just love to organize. I see that I’m not awful at homemaking as I assumed and told myself I was. I just had not yet given myself the freedom emotionally to do it the way I want to do it.
Today, while perusing over the toilet shelving units, I had this thought.
Holy shit I was doing it.
I AM DOING IT!
And I’m not afraid. I’m not anxious. I don’t feel an attack of Poor Kid Shame coming. This is not victory. This is progress. This is why I started writing about this and doing something about it.