God damned and chosen

Shannon DeLaronde
Nov 3 · 32 min read

The Real Life Trials and Events of a chosen one.

I like to call it my upside down 34 years of travelling because that’s what it’s seemed like. When I actually start writing about it or even just thinking about all the events and hardships I have been through in my short time here. But In reality it’s not the first or the last.

I’m not sure what they do on the other side to compel a person to wanna sign up for more !? I read that we choose to offer ourselves as a chosen and he decides. I knew as I was reading that, it could not be true! Who would do that? Nobody , why? Well Because you don’t sign up on a dotted line and give yourself to god and that’s that. No no NO. He creates his chosen himself.

So life is all about co creation and making the world a better place and to make it exactly how he wants it. Right? Hahahaha Well we failed and continue to fail their desires. When I say plural I mean plural gods, angels etc. They tried guiding us all into the realms of joy and happiness and we just kept getting it wrong, we disobey the rules and the path given to us. We ignore our intuitions and all other signs and obvious things planted here to help us evolve into the highest good.

Before now we just continued to complain about it and say “ well how could their possibly be a god when life sucks so much and nothing ever goes right, look at all the starving people and children dying “ well I’ll Tell you this, how good of a place would the world be if everything was perfect and we didn’t learn how to lose or fight or how to build courage and all the other things in life that help us EVOLVE? Yes evolve..

If you had of asked me a year ago what evolve meant to me I would have said well when my bank account is full and we end world hunger and have peace in earth ? And I put the question mark there because I wouldn’t have been speaking from my heart or my opinion I would be saying it as if it were a question because should I be saying that? We wake up everyday and we read the paper and put on the news to have some strangers tell us how to live our day. Today be afraid of this, today be happy because of this, today you will get rain because well you always do and it’s likely, etc etc etc… what if we woke up everyday and said “ hey god it’s me again, Shannon.. so remember that time I asked for a Bentley? I didn’t Get it yet.. so if you are real, please show me the Bentley or I’m just gonna have to go back to following Sarah on Instagram because she pulled through yesterday with her free coupon to have my extensions tightened.” Sarah, please listen those things up and WAKE UP!! Everyone this is your worldly message wake up! I’m here to slap you in the face with so much truth it’s going to have you sitting at the edge of your seat at your meaningless job wondering, “is this for real? Is this the life of a made up character or is this the life of an actual person?” I am an actual person and this is an actual story, but…. Could this story be fictional? Could these things really happen to his chosen? Wouldn’t life be full of peace and Devine everything? Oh heck no, who would you pick for your team? Wait did I say chosen? Enjoy my story …..or evolve ….


The trauma starts …

The beginning of the lies and the start of the destruction because you must go through the dark to get to the light, right? So here we go!

I was born On the 28th of November in 1985 in Victoria British Columbia. My mother was 18 years old and my father was 21 and they were not together anymore and my dad did not by any means want a child and he was going to make that clear for the rest of my life before it even started. Go figure, a teenage pregnancy that didn’t have a happy ending, Or did it? So I don’t Remember tons of the years to follow but I remember three specific times that are in my head as if they were yesterday. And of course they are traumatic and you’ll see the pattern here as I go along in my story.

So one night I remember waking up and I opened my eyes but I couldn’t Figure out if they were actually open and I’m like 2 or 3 at this time. I was awake but I couldn’t See, I could scream though and I was screaming and screaming and screaming. It was very weird that my mom didn’t come, I think?

That was maybe just the first time she didn’t and after that I got used to it. So I remember walking up to my bedroom wall or door and feeling around the room trying to find a door knob and I couldn’t Find it . I was really confused though because I was sure I knew where it was I probably went out that door many time’s before. I was banging my hands on the walls and what I thought to be the door. And nobody came, and I remember getting tired out from hollering and searching for this door knob that I eventually went back to my bed and sat there. I had this blanket with the giraffe thing from the show, Polkadot Door ! Haha that was an all time favourite. So I sat there crying and crying and I could see a little bit now because my eyes adjusted but I remember the feeling of sadness overwhelming me because I knew this feeling all too well, I knew this disappointment of nobody coming and I knew it too well for that age.

This was when it all started I believe this is when I was traumatized for the first time because I was left alone a lot and nobody knew this but I never knew this until I was in my late 20s that my mom didn’t care for me the way she pretended she did. But this night when I was sitting on my bed crying and crying I realized my night light was off and already feeling so scared and wondering why nobody would come to my calls I was 2 and I was old enough mentally to think to myself . They turned off your night light so you couldn’t see, Maybe they just don’t hear me, but maybe they don’t love me, they wanted you to be stuck in your bed and now you can’t See so you are, maybe they don’t care if I’m scared maybe they just don’t know cause I’m not yelling loud enough , but they do know cause they closed my door on purpose and it’s never closed. These things were all talking in my head and I didn’t know what it was I had no clue. Still to this day when I ask my mother if she ever left me at home or with anyone that wasn’t watching me properly she does not recall anything. I do know though I wasn’t alone that night. I knew I was safe and I knew I was going to wake up and be able to see. But I knew I was never going to forget how scared I was that night until my subconscious talked me down. If that’s in fact what it wasn’t.

Next there was these two girls that lived in the same complex as us, we called this home “ the ghetto “ it was these run down little duplex multi family things on Vancouver island in my little home town Sooke,BC. The one girl was older than me by probably five years or so . I can’t Even remember her name, she had been in a fire, and I remember her neck being burned really badly with scars all over her neck and chin, but I thought she was the coolest girl around, I remember always wanting to be with her cause if I was I had purpose. There was a man that hung out at her place though and I forget who he was to her but I have no memory of him at all but then one day being there and I was terrified of him. And I remember a look he gave me and I’m still 2 or 3 , and this look he gave me in my big girl mind I knew it was sexual and it made me scared and uncomfortable right away. I remember thinking he was a scary man and he was going to do things that hurt me and I didn’t Like. But that’s it. I only remember that one time . Not before and not after. The older I got though the more I wanted to figure out what happened and why I felt that way. There’s more to explain it but nothing to confirm.


A mother’s love ?

So we touched on two trauma things that I am not ever letting go of but wish I could. They seem pretty mild though hey? Well they are only mild in the sense I was conditioned to remember them that way or not at all. So going forward my mom married my step dad within the first three years of my life, she married him in her words because “I couldn’t Do it alone” or another was “I did it so we had someone to take care of us” then it turned into, my life was miserable because I married a man I didn’t really love “because of you” and “because of you I couldn’t Do it alone” yes it’s far easier to blame a child you brought into this world than it is to blame yourself for being so emotionally and mentally weak and broken. This woman was never my mother she was a body that was used to carry me and supply me with the basics needs of survival so I could make it though the early years of my journey to becoming what I was destined to be. Sounds heroic but it’s not! Hahah maybe my next story !

So after they married I guess it was game on for him. And when I say game on I mean like an only Nintendo video game where there’s a monster and as long as you are little and fast you can likely dodge out of his wrath or hit him with a bunch of coconuts and he will be too dizzy to catch you while you run by him with fear of getting caught by him. I remember one time I was strolling along the sidewalk out front of the ghetto and I was alone, as I usually was, and I was just chewing some bubble gum and I had nothing to worry about cause he was at work and my mom was inside where she always seemed to be in every memory I have she was never doing anything with us she was always sleeping or on the couch laying. So my step dad pulled up after work and he gave me a big hug and said “ where did you get the gum?” And as soon as he asked me that i had a little voice tell me, and I shit you not.. “don’t be scared” and i hear that voice a lot later on in life but this time I didn’t get it and after the words left his mouth I remember I looked up at him and smiled and I pointed at the ground. Well all of a sudden the fear hit me. And I was being hit repeatedly in the bottom and held up in the air dangling by one arm and I just remember being so confused and scared. I didn’t Know what the hell happened or why. I spent the rest of the day wondering what I did wrong I didn’t Know ? I ran inside and my mom said something like “that’s bad, get in your room and don’t come out” and the confusion hit even more ?!?! What was I missing?? I was hurting physically and mentally and emotionally so bad but I had no clue why or how to fix it. It was after this and another incident I didn’t Start really chewing gum until recently and enjoying it. I chew the crap out of that stuff now I smack my lips and I put five pieces in my mouth at once and I’m just enjoying everything about it and I’m excited to spit it out and start the process all over again! Freedom! Hahaha

So these three things have popped into my life and my head repeatedly over the last 30 years over and over and over in so many different situations to help me explain current situations and or if I’m asked what my pain is there’s far worse things but these three set the dynamic for what I thought would be the rest of my life and it’s platform. But like everything else, I will turn this around like nobody’s business and take my wounds and make an honourary. Badge out of them and carry on! I pushed those situations into the tiniest little box with a pad lock over top of a pad lock on it and I gave the key to the devil and the devil has held that shit over my head for many many years telling me if I fix anything as I go along in life he will reveal my hurt to everyone and anyone that will listen. Well shit I ain’t No complainer or a baby so he can keep it! That was the deal I made with him. But what I didn’t know is he wanted to fill an even bigger box while God wanted to actually double that size of a box. Why would god want to do that you ask? Well it took me 34 years to figure out why god would want to do that to anyone because I was told he created and loved us all but that’s where I’m different. I wasn’t Called by god to come out into the land and walk by him. I was chosen before birth and he moulded me from the start in that woman’s womb to now. And I tell you. He doesn’t want breakable people to do his missions or bring his messages he doesn’t want the ones who can’t handle hardships or difficult times and situations he needs the ones who can handle anything at its worst and keep going. I have a different message and meaning to bring forward though. This is why my situation is so much more complex and honestly sounds like a movie when I even tell someone about my week. They come in bundles though. It either goes really well for a period of time or really bad and hard for a longer period of time. People in my life that see this stuff go on pretty much think that I did this all to myself and I’m just a fuck up and an idiot or careless and irresponsible. But no, I have been put through trial after trial after trial since birth in prefer to get to a spot that will bring me all joy and happiness in the end. Which would be getting through the dark to get to the light.

So in regards to that I have always said there’s no such thing as hell, we are in it! And if you can survive hell then you are going to a really awesome place after you’re done here and it will all make sense and will have paid off. The more I go along the more this statement seems true to me. Why would we live our best to die and possibly go to hell for a few mistakes we made? Mistakes are what makes us strong and everlasting and loving. God doesn’t want to punish us for our sins he wants us to learn from them. That’s it. Don’t tie yourself or your kids up in the house so there’s no way to run into mistakes or make any. Living in fear is a sin because fear is what the dark side feeds off of. So when you live in fear you are open and vulnerable to the darker entities and beings we can’t see. Well I see them sometimes but not everyone can handle that and again that’s Because we haven’t been taught properly. His way that is being spread about is not the way. It’s partially the way but it’s so very very wrong and he has chosen me and a few others to clarify this. So the next time you wanna feel sorry for someone going through hard time’s over and over and the ones that look emotionally mentally drained and abandoned and you feel blessed because you have none of that and or less of it and you think you did something right and they did something wrong. Stop yourself and ask why are they getting these trials and I’m not? It means you can’t handle it so you are given your peaceful uneventful way of living and that’s your purpose. Whatever you are doing here is what you were meant to do. I was MADE to do what I’ve been through and I was chosen to god through all of this because I am needed as God’ vessel and he needs the strongest with the most will and faith in the process. Someone had an article saying “don’t trust the process” and well that’s Another misleading statement. Now I don’t mean go out and start damaging your self for free will and prosper later. It doesn’t work that way, he decides . And it take all of us to make this work so you are needed in your roll.


Who am I ?

So by this point I am 4–7 or so and we have moved from the “ghetto in Sooke BC, to Lake Cowichan BC. We moved into a three bedroom house with a basement and a yard and we got a dog, I had a new baby sister and a many brother on the way and my school was exciting, I made friends quickly but never felt to be in place. I always thought I had to be better than I seemed. I blamed money all the tome for not giving me what my friends had or the other kids but at a young age I felt like material possessions and appearance was how you made it on social groups as well as gaining success and I felt this from a young age because I went to school with a lot of people who’s parents worked in the logging industry weather it be The Mill or cutting down the trees to be sent there . So everyone had money, it was booming and housing was cheap where we moved to, but we still never had any money. My mom didn’t really work. She took a few shifts at the local video store cause the owners were our next door neighbours, who needed a hand with the place and she only wanted a couple shifts. But my step dad was hell in logging and or cutting shake blocks which there’s great money in both. But why were we poor? I had one or two pairs of pants and never had any underwear that didn’t have holes or were clean. In the summer I wore the same two things over and over every year because she never bought me new stuff. But my brother and sister always had tons of clothing. Maybe not tons but compared to what I had they had tons. I was 5 at this point and the woman who birthed me wouldn’t get up to feed me breaksfast ever so I had been getting my own from the age of 2 on. I was the only two year old that could put my own video on and make something for breakfast cause if I didn’t Learn I wouldn’t Have eaten and I wouldn’t Have watched a movie during the day . So I remember my parents fighting all the time about money and they would blame each other all the time and really they both were equally responsible for the financial burden we were in. My biological father didn’t pay child support and I only saw him at Christmas time when I went to my grandmas which was his mother. So he didn’t pay and when he started to it was 150 bucks a month. So I was always sure my step dad provided me with less because my dad could have been doing more. But here’s the weird thing and this happened twice that I know of. He wanted to adopt me but when I was in his presence he didn’t want me around him. He would be filming us as kids and if I got on the way of him filming his kids he would push me out of the camera view so he could get my brother or sister. But him and my mother would tell me he’s dad and didn’t even know he wasn’t. That’s how little I saw my real dad and I hat was always confused . I avoided calling my biological father dad and I avoided calling him by his first name too cause I didn’t Wanna hurt him and when I’d talk about him to my step dad I’d use His first name so that I wasn’t Hurting him either. I was always torn. But what I did know is when my dad came around I was happy! I felt like I was part of something and I belonged. I felt like I had something and it was all mine. And he spoiled me anytime I was with him I never went without. I got all the things I never needed because he bought me every feeling I ever had felt a void in, all I ever really truly wanted was him. That’s it the most simple cost less thing was him. He always told me how busy he was but he had all these girlfriends and anytime he had me over night which was maybe once a year or once every two years. He would have a date lined up and send me to my grandmas or a babysitter and I didn’t Get to see him anyways. I grew up thinking he was the coolest dad ever and I wished so bad I had him all the time. But with this relationship my mother has the opportunity to make me need her in an unhealthy abusive way because she would beat into my head that he didn’t want me and didn’t have any desire to be a father or do anything good for me. So when she would get on about this sort of thing I was always made to feel really grateful for her and my step dad. She would tell me how much he loved me and he was always there for me and that he loved me before I was even born and all this other fake imaginary crap. It was how she wished he was and hoped he would be. She tried molding him for 28 years and the longer she tried the more frustrated she would get with him. So in one hand she would tell me how great he was and I’m the other she was screaming at him about how awful he was.

So as we grew I felt less and less loved and part of that family. We were broke because both the parents were alcoholics and drug addicts. I grew up with them partying in the kitchen while we slept or tried to sleep and then they would sleep all day on the weekends. I remember thinking to myself as a kid being thrown into the car and rushing around to get to school and we were late every single day without fail because she wouldn’t get outta bed until we were already late. I never had any of the things I needed I never had anything prepared and I had to hope she dropped me off a lunch most days she forgot to pack one. She tried to tell me recently she was on the PAC but she doesn’t realize I have super powers that allow me to remember stupid things and sometimes even put myself back in situations so clearly that I’m usually always right. She did like three hot lunches and organized them. But even during this she forgot to submit my form once, and I didn’t Get my hot lunch. She tried to convince me she was there that day and fixed it but she wasn’t she didn’t Show up and I went without. I went without proper everything for ever but not my siblings. They never went without and always had the best. It was really weird to be part of that cause you don’t see it when you are really little bit as we got older even they started speaking up, they said all the time “ we are sorry you have it so different” and when I’d bring that I’m to my mom she would excuse it with “ you have another family that gives you things and they don’t” well okay but I don’t Get anything from anyone that I need? I don’t get a damn thing! I was angry but I started to convince myself it was normal. That I had a great life and how could I possibly complain. I got hit on the face regularly, kicked across the floor, strangled up against the walls by my step dad , my mom would wrestle me and hit me like a child fighting their sibling. It was disgusting. I phoned the police on a regular basis trying to get help and they would lie their way out of it because the other two kids were fine and saw nothing and we had a decent looking life so it never stuck. I remember one time I called the police because I said to my mom “I’m gonna shoot myself with the Bebe gun cause I can’t Stand this pain anymore and you are just mean to me all the time” and she grabbed the Bebe gun out of my hand and pointed it to my head and said “ here I’ll help you pull the trigger” at that moment I realized I was on my own and I had to fight to live my life or die trying. The police got there and I was too scared to tell them I threatened to commit suicidal which I didn’t mean, but I thought I’d get in trouble or they would say it doesn’t matter what she did if I threatened to do it first. My head was so fucked up from the mental abuse and the coaching.


Losing my self esteem and self worth before I even gained it .

I’m sure that everyone can relate to the early teenage years and how hard it was growing hair in the weird places and wondering if you were the only one who grew it, and or shaving body parts because they talked about it on a young and the restless episode and he’ll if they were doing it that means shania Twain was doing it and I had to do it! Until you are sitting in gym class scratching in places you didn’t know could itch because your mom was too busy drinking or at the bar with her friends to even remember to buy groceries. But hey they came home with a stuffed animal every week that they won out of the toonie machine. and 120 dollars later my step dad finally got something and thought he was king of the world because he just got a three dollar stuffy for a little over cost 🙅‍♀️. Pathetic yes .. did I think it was neat?

I did because we thought that was love when it our turn to get it. Yep we had turns, and it rotated between my sister, my brother and then myself. Usually by this time we had been home alone since after school and we didn’t eat dinner yet even though it was likely around 9:30pm and they didn’t even bring us home anything but they ate at the bar. Priorities, come on! It makes me cringe to this day just thinking about how selfish and disgusting it made me feel to be part of that line. I always knew I didn’t Belong, I have empathy, compassion and my nurturing side saved us most nights . This was also the time when I would have had another really big traumatic experience and I hate talking about it but you know what, I’m going to talk about it now because it’s something to be talked about. The amount of things I’ve Been through or kept hidden in my tiny ( big ) box, no pun intended. Hahahahahaha that was good and not even intentional. I have a sense of humour guys come on!

This was the year I got my period. Yes boys I said that word … period. Trust me it was as awful as it sounded but mine was a special day that I’ll never forget because it fucked me up for about 7 years following and embarrassed me for life but who cares. She did the “best she could have done at the time”. I woke up this late June morning and it happened, I had been hoping and praying and wishing that I would be 35 before this happened and maybe I’d be one of the lucky ones who just never got it and that was the end of all worries. Well that prayer was not answered, instead it was one of the worst days of my life.

That morning when I went to my mother, whom was in her bed, hung over and not helping any of us get ready for school and definitely had no bad feelings about what happens next and it proves how awful she was and just a neglectful mother. I put my worry behind me and confided in my mom to help me become a woman. And she tore that away and took any pride I may have been getting and stomped on it and threw it away into a black hole I’ll never get back. I said this “mom I think I got my period, so you have anything I can use or can you help me?” And here it is … the reply that will forever haunt me and I will never forget or forgive… “I don’t Have anything and I’m not going to the store right now so just grab some toilet paper and wrap it up and put it between your legs” pardon what ? I didn’t even know what she meant or how I would do this I had no darn clue. I said “what do you mean?” She yelled and said “what do you fucking think I mean wrap it around your hand and put it between your vagina and that stops the bleeding” oh! oh! okay you mean like a leaky hose or gas can. Right, right.. thanks you lazy selfish witch and not the gold witch a bad witch! That woman was a ridiculous human being and she had the nerve to cry to me about her childhood and her mom forgot her lunch once and she acted as though she starved and had not eaten in days and days .. I later found out she had all her siblings looking after her just fine. Her mom was poor not neglectful. There’s a difference! She wouldn’t know though because she’s too worried about her own trauma to prevent the cycle from repeating itself. So this is when the emotional stuff started and I tell you .. PMS along with confusion about what I am and who I am in the physical world and then know figure out I can make all this pain go away or I can make all this pain go away easily. So I bottled that up and i stuffed it down, deep down. I walked around from the age of 12 to the age of 18 using toilet paper instead of tampons or pass because my mother never bought me any. And if I had any I got them myself somehow. We just never spoke about periods again. Expect for when I came home later that day and asked her if I could have a sip of her cider and she replied “what you think just because you got your period, you are a woman now?” Nope definitely don’t feel like that, you stole that away with the role of toilet paper. But I’m glad you got your booze for the day cause god forbid you go without.

So it wasn’t long after this I smiled weed for the first time and cigarettes and started to hang out with people who drank. We started drinking the summer leading into grade 8 and we were 12. The first time I drank was with four girls I always wanted to be Friends with but no matter what I did they always steered away from me after a couple sleep overs. Everyone seems to do that even now. I could never hold down friends long. I was always fun and everyone liked me but it wasn’t long after that they were what seemed annoyed with me and I never knew what I was doing wrong. So this year was a year that changed lots for me on the social aspect of my life and the daddy issues aspect. Well it didn’t solve them but it made them feel better for a short period of time, or maybe made them worse I’m not sure yet. You can decide.

So this year the grade 8 year was my first year of high school and our high school was grade 8–12 with 450 kids total. That’s right total. No not the grad class .. that’s 5 grades combined! Lake cowichan, check it out in the summer, it’s beautiful but if you are growing up there you are likely to drink and do drugs at a young age or you’ll Be a volley ball pro and or play hockey at 5 am everyday. I chose figure skating. That was my one passion .. and so I started giving my dad no options of inviting me over for my once a year visit or even saying no to me coming over. I started showing up at his house every Friday and then I switched it to every other Friday and I’d bring one or two friends with me each time and we would take over his house for two days. He would buy us booze and cigarettes and leave for the weekend so he didn’t have to deal with us. And at this point I didn’t Care if he was around or not cause I wasn’t There to see him I was there to use his house as resource to meet guys from online chat rooms. Yes at 13 we started talking online with people. It was when things on the internet finally started becoming appealing and we sought out boys from other areas because our school was so small we knew them all and it wasn’t fun .

I remember the first chat room experience I had with a guy was another traumatizing experience actually. My parents read through all my history when the computers used to save everything you did and said online. There was a man I would talk to from the States somewhere and he was sex chatting me I guess. I forget the term we used back then? So anyways I guess they got online and told him where to go and how to get there. And I came walking in the house and they called me upto the computer. They sat me down and started screaming at me. I couldn’t even understand them at first but I knew the word slut was being used and grounded. So after being screamed at and scolded and name called, I knew I was banished from the internet. But after this I realized how much I was enjoying those chats .. it was attention. Attention I didn’t Even know I needed or wanted. So back to my dad’s. We would line up meeting guys online in Victoria which was a big city compared to where we were from so my friends all fought over coming with me and I loved that cause I was getting the demand for my presence out of having a cool dad in the city. So we would go there and do whatever t we wanted and thankfully we didn’t die an few occasions that were not situations young girls should have been in but this is where it all began with my drugs and lack of self respect and guilt. So the few occasions I’m going to touch on are ones again that are vivid in my mind from this era. At 13 years old one night with another friend I had at the time , we met this guy Darcy I was going to meet up with but once we got to Victoria he cancelled. Then later called back and said something like “hey do you wanna come hang out with my friend instead cause I can’t Make it?” And we said sure … so his friend came and picked us up and we had never met any of them prior to this remember just online. And we were 13 at the time. So we got in the car and right away my friend whispered to me, they don’t look 17 cause that’s how old the guy was we had been talking to on chat. So I asked them, there were two, I said “how old are you guys” and they replied “21” and we were just like, hmmm that’s a lot older but whatever! They drive! Lol talk about tire biting hahaha anyone remember that? Did everyone say that or just us? If they had wheels they were worth it. So the night went like this in a short version, they got us booze and I think we shared a Mickey that night.

Then the next thing I knew I was in the back seat with this guy. And my friends being asked to leave the car with the other guy. And before I even had time to say no or even think about anything this 200 pound 21 year old man was on top of me for about 30 seconds, he pulled my panties to the side and my pants down and I was frozen. I was frozen after his 30 seconds of glory and all the way home. I couldn’t believe it. I had sex. Or sorry my vagina was used by a much older male as his ejaculation station. Sounds more fitting or is that harsh? Why not eh like it wasn’t talked about behind my back That way and I always say! Don’t say anything about anyone that you aren’t Willing to say to their faces. The person who taught me that says so much behind people’s backs. Of course…

So yeah by the age of 13 I had been sexually raped and now known it because I was again conditioned to believe that I consented you that because I didn’t say no. But I couldn’t talk or move. And I didn’t Say yes either so hows that different? Yeah I won’t Ever know and I’m sure there’s millions of you who have been there too. It’s like a stigma around rape. What kind of humans are we ? So after this I met another boy online and I went with him in his car and after the first incident I figured that’s what I had to do for the boys to keep wanting to hang out with me. Cause I couldn’t Possibly have anything more to offer? My dads never taught me anything so I was just winging it! And it seemed to be the way? So this time my mom caught me. Yep headlights shining into how car and her ripping me out with my pants down. The sad thing about this time was, i knew they routine by this point. So humiliated and scared to death at my close sequences I was crying and went with my mom. Well I was forcefully thrown into her vehicle. And my aunt her sister was there too, telling me how stupid I am. So once home I got screamed at called a slut and a bunch of other names and grounded. That was it, no discussions no anything. Just bullied and punished. So at this point I gave up all chances of having any self respect and I just stopped caring about who liked me or who didn’t. I just gave them what they wanted and hoped for the best.

I remember after meeting the boys in Victoria once I told my friend that I had given one of them head, cause they passed us around like used tissue it was pathetic and shameful on their part and i honestly didn’t know any better. But I told the wrong friend this encounter. She told a bunch of people and I had mentioned in this conversation that I didn’t know What cum looks like so is it supposed to have a yellow tinge to it? Fuck I was so clueless it was sad. Like really fucking sad to look back on. And I walked into our little high school one morning and those 450 students seems like a stadium full of people taunting me calling me disgusting names, pointing, laughing, one person tripped me on purpose and they laughed even more.. I went from trying to fit in and being accepted quickly changing to, It was the worst week of my entire teenage years .. it gets topped , don’t worry ! There’s more. So I went to the councillor and I was crying and I was embarrassed to even tell her anything and she asked me what was going on and I told her. I was being bullied badly and I was humiliated so badly that I wanted to leave. Like they won’t stop and nobody is helping me nobody is asking them to stop and it was very clear teachers and principals heard this happening and I was just so dumb founded that it was allowed to continue? I was waiting for teachers to jump in, it felt like they had!! It was a nightmare and she said I can’t stop them unless you tell me what’s being said. And I swallowed my tears and pride and told her …. “ piss breath, pee breath, piss mouth and pee in the mouth Shannon” she looked at me and said “ well why do they think this” and my mouth dropped. She is really asking me this? I said “ I don’t Know, they made it up” and she says “well it came from somewhere” like is this relevant?!! Can’t we stop it now instead of later? This was all so weird I kept saying to myself in my head often. Is everyone crazy and you are the only sane one that knows everyone is dealing with these circumstances in the complete opposite way they should be every time there’s an issue. Why me ??

So a few days later I was at home. And I never told my mother any of this. She was never home to tell anyways but i can’t recall what started this but I think I asked to transfer schools. And my mom was drunk as she usually was. And I remember her getting really angry I think because I didn’t tell her why I wanted to transfer schools. But she wanted me to tell her what she already knew because she liked making me feel badly and disgusting because it made her feel better. She was basically bullying her own daughter with the other teens because she hung out with a lot of them. Sadly. So she walked over to me like a “ boss” and I’ll never forget this ….so you wanna switch schools because why? Cause your a fucking little slut and you wanna run away from it? You are out there sucking guys dicks like a whore and you think that you can run from that shit?” Then she put me in a head lock and held me down to heel lap while she was sitting and I was too beside her. And she was calling me a dirty slut and a fucken loser and that’s what dick sucking sluts get and who knows the rest cause I tuned it out long before that. I tried hitting her off of me and she had me good, she wanted me to feel like death was a better option at this point. She finally let go and I ran .. I ran to my room and I grabbed a belt and wrapped it around my neck and pulled, I pulled it as tight as I could and I waited a minute and nothing was happening so the voice in my head that always spoke up was like, “ don’t do this, you’ll never die anyways you’ll just be in pain” and I was like fuck that I don’t Wanna suffer in physical pain because I tried to end it. So I stopped and that was never spoken of again. None of it.


I knew I was different from everyone else.

All during this I was told from a young age I was “ an old soul” I remember my moms friends saying to her, “what’s up with your kid? Anytime she’s outside it like Moses and every animal in the neighbourhood comes to her “ and there I’d be Sitting in the lawn letting all the animals. I had so much love to give, if I saw an elderly person walking alone I would say “ stop! Stop the car! She’s alone and she needs me” it broke my heart to think of my granny having nobody by her side and I mean I felt this way at a very young age. I would go visit her on my own without my sibling all the time. She knew I was special and so did my grandma my fathers mom. Losing her was like losing myself. She was the only person who I think truly loved me. My family was never my family I felt like I was in a tv show and they screwed up my part. I never felt like I was living a life I felt like I was living in a world made up for me and it didn’t seem unknown it seemed like it was known. I used to shut up those thoughts and tell myself I’m crazy for thinking like that. I remember when I first learned how to masturbate, I was really upset with myself for some time cause I kept doing it. But I didn’t Want too. It felt so wrong and I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t Understand why . And I’d like count the days to see how long I could go between and try and not do it at all. And none of these things made sense before but now they do.

The first time I ever stole from a store I was not born a theif.. I was born a chosen and I know know why but I cried after I stole from this local store when I was probably 10 years old. I was with some friends and they did so I did. I left them after and I cried the whole way home… and I threw the things I took into the bushes and ran home and said sorry to god. I was strong when I was young and I held it together best I could. I didn’t know why everything was always so much harder for me. But had they not been what would I be? God needs vessels, strong bodies and people who can handle it . Not everyone can handle it… this is my story of how I stepped into the shoes of a spiritual goddess and then to realize I was a chosen one . That’s when I was finally thankful for it all .. and it all made sense, finally! Keep reading my story as it comes. I hope I am reaching the people that can relate and believe me this stuff happens to more people than we think! I’m just telling the truth!


Continue with me as I put together the second quarter of events . And this is a short version so far of my life. Detailed will be later published in a book and a blog for current events will be up and running shortly! My life is like a movie.. I’m always waiting for the. “ surprise” !!!! Excuse my grammar etc, I’m awful with proper grammar I just want my words out ! Thanks for reading, much love !

    Shannon DeLaronde

    Written by

    I am a 34 year old using my gifts and talents to heal and spread love truth and light. I am a junior freelance nonfictional writer as well. (Psychic medium)

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