Once upon a time my son was born. My life changed for the rest of it. Nothing before would ever be the same again. Now the cyclone of this life is completely out of rational. I’m literally sitting here writing this as he argues with the pig. My life is so bizarre I just can’t even understand the whirlwind of where I’ve ended up sometimes. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the universe. And honestly 15 years ago I never would’ve assume that anything I would’ve had as a future would be anything ordinary. But this is a little bit much.

Autism is a magical monster that we deal with every single day. And I am often baffled by the light and brilliance my 5 year old brings to my existence. Often times he’s smarter than I and gives me a look that says he knows exactly that.

Today was one of our backtrack days though. We’ve been in about a six-month cycle of regression and behavioral problems that really make me realize what autism is all about. There’s an upsweep of beautiful times. And there’s a down down, down, downward spiral of awful times. This is a roller coaster I didn’t sign up for but there’s not much I can do about it. And as much as I’m frustrated I can imagine how he feels. It’s a weird guilt to feel like you don’t get to feel a certain way because your kid is suffering more than you by far.

Right now he’s laughing in this bedroom. In 10 minutes he might be crying in his bedroom. And neither of which he can tell me about. Such a strange life to live. For both him and myself.

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