Behind the Timeline: How the Sorrow of Loss Drives Startup Founders to Create
This post is a bittersweet epilogue to where I left off in my first two forays into essays on Medium. The idea behind writing on Medium was originally to put my love of writing to good use, as a startup founder. Life events meant that all I could muster up for my first two posts were reflections on life, love, and being. This has left me simply with a testament to Rumi’s idea that “The wound is the place where the light enters you,” and an understanding of how the sorrow of loss can drive startup founders forward in our deepest convictions to create value and meaning.
Nature has shown us that new things are created out of chaos. Achieving true innovation inevitably involves some type of loss. Two years ago, I set out to found Prontopia, strengthened by the support of many around me, but most importantly, my inspiring, wise, and loving Mom and Dad. There are so many unknowns we need to prepare for on the journey of launching a startup. I was unprepared for the tragic events that would test me to my furthest limits, when both parents passed away tragically: first my mom, in the 6th month of the company, and then my dad, on Christmas Day, one year later. They were both 72 years old and an integral part of my daily life as grandparents to my children.
Today, I often consider what it would be like in pitch meetings if we included the important details “Behind the Timeline” as significant to how we achieved company milestones. For me, in reviewing Prontopia’s timeline, I can’t help but pause internally every time to acknowledge with gratitude key pivotal moments, deriving from the sorrow of loss, that resulted in valuable decisions for the company. Acceptance of this very fact helped me to reconcile with my grief by taking actions in honor of my parents, and through this, they live on.
The first behind-the-timeline milestone moment occurred one day in June 2017. I was flying home from Europe on a work trip while sitting alone in an airport. I had news that preparing for my mom’s end-of-life care was imminent. All hope for her survival was gone. Your heart and mind turns so dramatically in such a moment to how to make every moment matter for your dying loved one. Then fear of the loss led me to wonder, what will my North Star be without her?
The sorrow of losing a parent is like none other. It creates a new definition of being alone, and a need to define your life ahead. I had a passion for creating Prontopia because I deeply believe it is a needed service with a large global market. What I had to dig deep on in that moment was to go further: to explore WHY I was doing it in terms of my own life values, and what I wanted to achieve in the precious time, duration unknown, I have here.
The answer came to me quickly: one of my strongest bonds with my mom is our shared commitment to social change, driven in a systems framework of connectedness, that is inclusive and radically pushes boundaries in the spirit of common humanity. Her achievements had changed lives around the world, and had forged enduring and impactful programs, organizations, and theories of change. In that moment, I decided, driving effective economic and social advancements forward is what I want to achieve. But, I had to wonder at that time, could I do it as a startup founder on the path I had set out on with Prontopia, was this the right channel for such a goal?
I decided, yes, it was. Exploring the WHY led to a breakthrough about the HOW. I knew that I had social impact ambitions for the company and planned to test possibilities for the most scaleable approach as we launched. My experiences of loss and the drive of purpose gave me the courage and conviction to not wait. I looked carefully at the opportunities in this approach, and assessed other growth companies. I hedged my bets in that moment that building our platform as a community that gives voice to those who are less heard, and promotes empathy and human understanding, is an empowering, scaleable approach that can achieve measurable leaps toward growth AND social change. I feel winds of change signaling that we may be exiting the mechanistic age in global business, and entering a new humanistic age. Companies that listen and respond with care to new consumer patterns will have a strategic advantage.
This is when the HOW became critical. These were large goals, and as with everything, the devil is in the details.
When you are caregiving for a dying parent, you are taking their hand, and walking with them through what was their whole life, and your life together, with visceral presence. You are re-living cherished moments, and gazing into each other’s eyes with understanding and recognition. This experience with my Dad provided keys to the strategy we have founded our processes on at Prontopia today — our HOW.
My Dad was a lover of all creatures great and small. Whoever you are, wherever you are, he delighted in learning other people’s stories and helping out whenever he could. Growing up, he used to tell me: “Don’t forget in life that it might be the shoe shine guy, or the Queen of Sheba, who will be the one who helps get you where you need to go, so treat them both and all in between with the respect they deserve.” He was kind-hearted, thoughtful, caring, and contributed to any community he was a part of.
Working through the pain of loss led to light and deepened my own capacity for empathy. The attributes I drew strength from in healing from grief following the death of my parents are organically a part of the Prontopia community today: courage, self-knowledge, a commitment to business growth AND social change. Together with kindness, respect, inclusivity, and care for the common good.
It takes an unimagineable level of emotional stamina to persevere as a startup founder. I am able to do so with the strength and wisdom of my parents by my side every day, as our team leverages the power of our shared values to scale up while driving needed social change.
