Who needs love? Why is it that when we set our entire lives out to search and wait for that one person that has a soul connection, that incredible feeling that is indescribable, thats just magic. At the same exact time, you souls connect.

Okay so I’m what they call a run away bride. I’ve been engaged 4 times. The last time I said ‘yes’ was because it was definitely perfect. My fairytale come true, or was it…? Jason and I had been together 17 years prior to this. I lived in Oklahoma City by now, 2 jobs, TriCity Family Clinic for Pacific Toxicology Laboratories and Burlington Coat Factory, my own place, my own car, and all of my kids. Well he came down for Christmas from Kalamazoo Michigan. I was so nervous… that when I seen him I was trembling. He got hotter since I seen him last. Damn, buff, built, sexy as hell. And yes I was sexy too of course. He brought one of his daughters with him. It was a good Christmas. Before he left to go back home he and I went out to town. He proposed to me on one knee under the Survivor Tree in Oklahoma City. (The only thing left alive and standing during the Oklahoma City bombing. It’s a national monument now. Beside the memorial and reflection pool.) It was dark out, a little bit chilly, had my high heel boots on, and a cute outfit. He was wearing Affliction leather jacket. I was breathless, dizzy, about to pass out. He puts this ring on my hand says a speech and that was it. I said ‘yes.’ It was perfect or so I thought. It turns out, maybe all of these years I’ve been so independent that I don’t know any other way. I don’t know. So… he went home and I went to work, to hire someone at the clinic to take my spot. I was making really good money, drove a Lexus, I had it made. I sent him $3000 for the wedding fund. My wedding dress was only going to be $1000. He came back to help me load my stuff into a Ryder truck with a car hauler attached. Put my Lexus ontop of the hauler. Only four of my five boys went with me. One of the twins wanted to stay with his dad. I Bought new furniture when I got there. Living room and kitchen set. Beautiful stuff. Then,… I found out that the wedding fund money was gone. He used it to divorce his previous wife before I got there. I wanted magic, I didnt care about money much, I don’t care if I’m poor. I had love…no I didn’t have that either. It wasnt there, but I wanted it to be. I left shortly after a month. I fell inlove with his kids, and had a better relationship with his first wife than I did nearly 20 years ago though. Julie if you read this…just so u know you’re awesome. Thank you for being there for me. Anyhow, me and my kids jumped in the car one day, and took off. Drove around the great lake to the u.p of Wisconsin, (upper peninsula) then eventually back down to Oklahoma. What I’m trying to get at, is Why do we run,?

Is it because we are afraid to give ourselves completely to someone, is it that expectations change after commitment, is it that I don’t know how to not be a player, is it the commitment we’re afraid of, is it jealously? What is it that makes us run…..? For me it is the fact that if there wasn’t a magical feeling, then it’s not going be real love. Here’s my personal theory. “ I can raise 5 boys on my own,.. by myself since I was 15, that’s not a problem, but who I’m going to spend the rest of my life with is to be determined.” I watched my mother cheat on my dad and had multiple children by her boyfriends when she’d sneak out and be gone for days, weeks, and even months, while me and my dad stayed home watching the kids. Who aren’t even my dad’s, but they all have his last name. Anyways, if you’re unhappy in a marriage, leave, or let it be known, don’t leave the other person in the dirt while you stray. You should know if you’re going to be together forever when you get married. You should get married one time and one time only. After you’ve had your fun, and ready to commit. But only if it’s MAGIC. If it’s not, you probably won’t last.

Are we meant to find our soul mates? Lately Everytime I turn around I see the numbers 1111. Everywhere. !! If it’s not the register at the store. The costumer in front of me. Then it’s what time it is when I look at my clock, or the file number that I need to go to on my computer, or the address of my appelate court appearance, the license plate in front of me, it won’t go away. So I googled it. Is it that my soul connection is finally around? It feels like it, but will I embrace it, or will I run from this too. What should I do?

http://www.soulconnections.net/soul-mate-twinflame-messages-through-angel-numbers/