To my Secret Lover
Dear Man Whole Stole My Wallet While I was Working at my Low Paying Job,
Thank you. Thank you for picking me. Out of all the wealthy people who work on Michigan Ave. you chose to steal *my* wallet. I will forever be grateful.
I realized you were in love with me while waiting to get my new social security card. As they called many random letters and numbers up to even more random windows I felt a warmth inside knowing that you had sent me here. Instead of sleeping in and enjoying my day I was here, thinking and longing for you.
I can’t wait until I have to go to the DVM to get a new ID because of you, oh I will feel so so lucky!
I always thought I would never find true love, that I would always feel forgotten among the many wealthy, beautiful girls. But you just had to pick me. Thank you for this journey to new places and experiences around the city. My favorite (so far) was when I had to spend $50 on a new school Ventra pass. How magical.
You not only stole my wallet, but also my heart. Thank you for noticing me when no one else did. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to use my cards at Jimmy John’s, Walgreens, and The Apple Store on 2 brand new iPhones. I’m so so so sorry my darling that my card didn’t work for you. Unfortunately my job at PF Changs does not allow me enough money to support you, and for that I feel regret.
You truly got to know me, you not only have my original Ventra pass but now you know and have my social security number/card and my state ID. You’ve truly shown you care.
I love you so much, and hope that you will one day return into my life, this time in a court house you giant sack of dog shit (pet names, am I right?).
With love and kisses,
A PF Changs Employee