Sacrifices

Omkar looked at the silent dance of Krishna.

The playful glory of the waters, which would otherwise soothe his mind, was making it even more restless today. The same roar, that he would meditate upon for hours in the morning before the sun rose, was disturbing him today.

He gazed the setting sun for a while, and then turned to the river. He could see the sun in the river.

How does he do this every day? How does he take it?

He looked around. Cool breezes, utter silence. Trees swaying swiftly in the air. He just closed his eyes, took a deep breath in, and heard the wind talking to him. It was moist; and so were his eyes. He could understand why. There was a reason the sun took longer than usual to set today. There was a reason the birds wouldn’t set off to their nests yet. There was a reason the clouds seemed to have taken a stop in the skies. Today was different. He’d hoped this day would never come in his life.

And yet, here I am…

“Omkar…”

There came the voice — waiting for which time itself had stopped for a while. His heart skipped a beat. He managed to put away the tears before opening his eyes. He glanced at her. She was smiling; with sparkling eyes.

If only she knew how hard it’s going to get…

He looked at her bare feet.

“I left them at the temple.”

She had dressed-up beautifully today. And she wore a red lipstick. It meant a lot to her. And to him, too.

She hurriedly sank in the place next to him and held on to his left arm. Her hair carried a beautiful fragrance he would always find irresistible. She leaned her head on his left shoulder. He rested his head on hers. Only death could do them apart now.

“Can’t this wait? Do you have to go?” She said softly.

He didn’t say a thing.

There was no need to say anything. Like the sun and the river, they had become one thing. The sun was so far away from the river, and yet he would always be there in her.

I wish I was like the sun.

“I’ll surely miss you.” She kissed his arm and took his hand in hers. She didn’t want to let him go.

“Don’t go please…”

She knew he won’t stay; that he had to go. And yet, she carried that tiny hope somewhere in the corner of her mind that he might as well agree. She believed she could stop him, however stupid it sounded, she firmly did.

He thought he’d say something, but couldn’t. He wasn’t thinking of anything. He couldn’t think at all. He had reached a whole other world, where there were no worries. A whole other world, where he’d lose count of time, where he ceased to exist. It was a world where he was a mere seer. It was time for him to fill in his head with the memories of this beautiful world, for he’d never experience it again. He didn’t want to miss a thing; he was being careful.

She found it a little strange. He hadn’t spoken anything at all. She looked at him — he had closed his eyes. It wasn’t unusual for her — he wasn’t talkative when it came to spending time near the river.

But still, he should at least say something about me…

“Omkar…”

“Hmm?”

Just a hmm. I love you idiot.

She pulled his hand down, and landed her lips on his cheek.

“I love you,” She whispered in his ears.

For him, there was nothing else in this world that would bring more joy to his heart. With his ears not letting go of those three words, each breath had become orgasmic. He opened his eyes, and looked at hers. They were so beautiful.

“I love you too, mau.” He smiled at her, and kissed her forehead.

She was about to say something, but that kiss choked her. The thought that she’d never get to spend time with him again…

She somehow swallowed her emotions.

“Shubham said you wouldn’t be back until Diwali. That’s 4 months, Om. It’s just too much.”

He wasn’t aware that she was talking, lost in a world of his own. Her shaking his hand brought him back.

Now was the right time.

“Is this how we’re gonna end, mau?”

“Why? No! You promised you’d call me every day. How, then..? No!”

If a phone call was all it took…

“We can’t be together, mau… It’s a sad truth. It just isn’t possible.”

For a moment, she thought he was joking. But then she looked at him, and realized that he wasn’t. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t considered that this would happen. In fact, at times she had felt that it was inevitable. But she had chosen not to believe in it. She had chosen to go on with her dreams for them in the future. She had even imagined herself getting married with him!

Please God, let this be a bad dream. Please!

She pinched herself, only to wake up in the realization that she wasn’t dreaming. It was really happening, however dreadful it felt, it was real.

Not knowing how to react, she let go of his hand. She couldn’t hold back her tears anymore.

He had anticipated this, knowing how much she loved him.

Is this really love? How can love make our lives so miserable?

He often doubted the feeling. It would make him feel guilty.

They say it’s just physical attraction…

Whatever it was, it had to stop. If he was to be a better person than he already was, this sacrifice was must. He couldn’t be in two places at once.

“Please don’t cry! Try thinking practically…”

Practically.

It was him because of whom she had lost all sense of practicality in the first place. She had become so much emotional lately, anything would make her cry. Just anything.

Only because of you…

She avoided looking at him. Determinedly, she wiped her tears away. She wanted to act strong, to show him that she could take it as well, to show him that she had a life of her own, too.

Why do they get to choose their aspirations over ours? That’s just not fair.

She had had enough.

“I think I should go now, Omkar. Bye! Take care…”

No! You just came!

He thought of stopping her, but knew that would only make her more despondent.

She stood up and started walking away. He followed her.

“Mau…”

She could feel the pain in his voice. She stopped and turned back.

“One last hug..!”

He had tears all over his face now.

Crying, they hugged each other. It was nothing like ever before. It was as if they melted in each other. It felt so warm, and cozy. It was as if they had been united with their other halves. It was magic.

But it’s so damn painful.

Neither of them wanted to let go of each other. Both knew someone had to take the initiative.

He decided to do it.

“I’ll always love you, mau. Always.”

“I love you too, Om. And I know you’ll come back.”

I hope so, too.

On his way back, he had a bunch of precious memories with him. A pack of emotions, which, as he was sure, would last for years to come.

Sacrifices make you a better person.

He knew he was one.