How to Find the Love of Your Dreams at Any Age
What’s your excuse for not finding the love you want?
- “All the good men/women are already taken”
- “All of the profiles on online dating sites are fake”
- “After so many years out of the dating pool, I have no idea how to get back out there”
- - “I’m just plain terrified!”
Whatever your excuse, believe this: if you want a committed, loving, satisfying relationship, it’s definitely within your reach. Whatever your age, from Millennial to Senior, recently divorced, long-divorced, or never married, your perfect partner is out there waiting for you. But he or she won’t just magically appear on your doorstep. You have to take courage, take action, and take control of your life and determine to use your inner power to get what you want.
Here’s a statistic that will surprise you: right now, there are more single adults living in the United States than ever before. According to the 2017 U.S. Census, 110.6 million Americans over 18 are unmarried — that’s a whopping 45.2% of all American adults. Sure, some of these people are in relationships, and some of them may have no interest in finding a romantic partner. And most of them aren’t your Prince or Princess Charming for one reason or another. But hey, it’s still a pretty good-sized pool to choose from. And remember, you only need one of those 110.6 million to find your “happily ever after.”
I created my “5 Principles of Power Dating™” to help my clients find the love they’ve been dreaming about by providing them with the specific tools and guidance they need to achieve dating and relationship success. Consider it a personal roadmap to “happily ever after.”
So, where do you begin? With the first Principle of PowerDating™.
In fact, it’s not just my #1 rule for PowerDating™; it’s my #1 rule for life!
1. Don’t be Lazy! When it comes to the really important things, you have to pull out all the stops and go the extra mile. So if you’re looking for a partner to share your life with, you can’t afford to take shortcuts. Here’s an example of what I consider the ultimate in laziness: an online dating profile where the profile picture is a “bathroom selfie” — a photo shot while looking into the bathroom mirror. This is unattractive for 2 reasons: first, a toilet in the background hardly says “romance,” and second, unless you’re Beyoncé, you’re going to look terrible in a selfie. Most importantly, it signals laziness! It shows the viewer that you can’t even be bothered to ask someone to take a decent picture of you (outside of your bathroom). Or even worse, that you don’t have any friends to ask! Another lazy behavior is to just sit back and wait for an online dating site to send you a list of possible matches. Don’t put the power in someone else’s hands. Actively search the site and decide for yourself who to contact. Then send out a short and sweet message that refers to something specific in their profile. And don’t stop at 1 or 2. Not everyone is going to write back, for reasons that probably have nothing to do with you.
2. Be honest with yourself. This principle requires some real soul searching. Before you can achieve success in any realm, you have to ask yourself: What do I really want? You may think you want a committed love relationship, but if you’re not willing to carve out some space in your life for a significant other, you’re just fooling yourself. If your time is already 99% committed to work, children, grandchildren, your book club, your softball league, your garden, the Knicks, bingeing Netflix, etc., I promise you: you absolutely will NOT succeed in finding a lasting relationship. Please understand: I’m not telling you to give up the activities that are important to you; they are what make you a vibrant, attractive potential partner. However, if your life is so booked up that when you strike up a conversation with someone interesting and the soonest you can go out on a first date is 5 weeks from next Thursday, you aren’t really serious about finding a partner. Alternatively, not everyone is looking for a serious, long-term, monogamous relationship. And that’s fine. Just take the time to figure out what you want before you act. It will save you (and the people you date) a lot of heartache and wasted time.
3. Be true to yourself. Let’s say you’ve started dating someone. He’s attractive, has good manners, a responsible job, nice home, etc. You seem to be getting along and you think perhaps it could lead to something lasting. Then after a few nice dinner dates, it becomes clear that his interests are limited to watching sports on TV and playing golf with the guys all weekend. You hate sports, don’t play golf, and love going out to the theatre and to live concerts. For a while, you act interested in football, and you try (with limited success) to get him to attend some cultural events. But is this the way you want to live your life? While every relationship is based on compromise, if you have no real common interests or activities that you enjoy doing together, it’s a no go. You may be reluctant to break it off (he is nice, after all) and you may dread the prospect of having to reboot your search, but you deserve happiness and settling isn’t the answer. Always keep your eyes on the prize: your perfect partner is out there!
4. Be flexible. I always tell my clients, “We like what we like.” Maybe you like short blondes; maybe you like lanky brunettes or exotic-looking guys/gals. That’s fine. However, if your parameters for a potential mate are super narrow, your chances of success become equally as narrow. Women, don’t absolutely require that a man be older, taller, more successful, etc. Guys, please don’t consider only women at least 10 years your junior. Especially if you’re over 40, 50, or 60, try to expand your horizons beyond the kind of person you’ve been attracted to in the past, and give people a chance. The real secret to a terrific relationship is how the other person makes you feel. Do they value you, care about your comfort, tell you how attractive you are, encourage you to be your best? Those characteristics, especially as we become older, are much more important than a few inches of height or a few more or less revolutions around the sun. Be true to your heart’s desire, yes, but also give a really wonderful man or woman the chance to sweep you off your feet.
5. Be persistent. I could resort to a lot of clichés here: “Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” “Anything worth having is worth working for.” Or one that I find truly awful: “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince.” But instead, I’m going with French scientist Marie Curie, who wrote: “Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all, confidence in ourselves.” Long-term success and achievement of your goals requires clarity about what you want, honesty with yourself, and flexibility, along with determination and persistence. Yes, you will become discouraged at times. You’ll feel that you’re never going to find the happiness you seek. But don’t give up! Always remember: you deserve every happiness. You can achieve and receive anything you put your mind to, but it won’t happen unless you make it happen.
If you persevere and have confidence in yourself, and you embrace the principles of Power Dating™, I promise: You will find the love you dream of and deserve. Believe and embrace The Power Dating™ credo: “The POWER is in YOU!”
