Finding and Losing

Of the many things, when it comes to finding, looking for yourself is the hardest thing to do. Because you never know what you’re really looking for, you don’t know what the outcome is. You can stare at the mirror, look at yourself and try to scrutinize the little details in your features; the way your hair pokes out unnaturally or how your lips are chapped and dry, but you don’t really know what it is that you want found.

It’s a niggling little feeling that sometimes feels like you’ve lost something. You feel restless and you don’t know where to start looking. It’s not like losing a wedding band, a watch, a misplaced iPhone — losing yourself is feeling a little empty on the inside, and aimless in life.

Some people need to find joy in the things they do: they take up a hobby, go shopping, or indulge in their senses. Others find other people to fill that gap: they meet with their friends, catch up with family, get into a relationship. Everyone is looking for something that is missing in their lives.

Sometimes, nothing is missing — yet we continue to look for what could possibly fill an empty space that we don’t know exists yet. It’s like decorating a house: you don’t really know whether you need that ottoman or that wall painting, but you get it anyway. It can do one of two things: accentuate and bring out the natural beauty of the home or clutter the space.

The human mind feels like that and when you feel like you’re missing something, you try to think of what could fill that space. As a result of not knowing what you really need in your life, you think of everything you may or may not need. Then you get a little overwhelmed. A little disturbed even.

But it’s okay. Finding and losing is a part of life. All that matters is that at the end of the day — when you’re lying in bed looking up at the ceiling, wondering what went wrong and what went well, you know that there’s always time tomorrow to discover new things and find that sense of purpose.

Then you’ll realize that you’ve never really lost anything anyway.

You’ve always been right here. Feel your heart.