When Pain Gets Real

2017 has not gone as planned but even amid untenable sadness and unexpected pain I would change nothing except this one thing.

I am a big advocate of having a plan and working your plan. We can all attest that this is the only way to make tangible progress toward a desired goal. Writing it down helps to keep us accountable to the process even if it’s by guilting us into getting back on track. Seeing it on paper is like a jolt — a small voltage — of reality that can whip us back on task and on mission.

My plan was threatened early in the year by escalating illness, pain and eventually surgery. Despite that detour, I’ve found that the benefits experienced since surgery has helped me appreciate and accept how much that intervention was needed. I won’t trade it even as it curtailed a few of my planned engagements and kept my calendar very abridged for 3 or 4 months.

The time was well spent; gardening, reading, and enjoying nature; I needed the hiatus!

There were several other game changers and plan sabatoers throughout the year but none ‘fogged up my lens’ like this one. I was tliterally blind-sided!

Since then my vision is blurred as I struggle to see beyond it.

The deluge of my tears obscure the view of everything ahead.

the dark cloud-cover seems to have settled in for a season — my ‘lens is all fogged up!’.

My cousin, my big brother, and chief mischief-maker; a craftsman, draftsman and builder extraordinaire. You were most at home on the land; farmer, competitive herdsman, arborist, and fixer of all things broken. The go-to person for our extended family and right hand of a community.

This pain from your sudden and untimely departure will not soon subside, it’s palpable, it’s real and I am in the throes of it.

Yet the consciousness of the gift of each new day, demands my presence and urges me to clean my lens; as each day unfolds with slow but increasing clarity.

I am powerless to change this but I will be the change someone seeks along the path to their dream.

May your sleep be sweet…Lennard Augustus Baird