Dear Elizabeth…

In the research lab I’m working in, there’s a junior in high school named John who essentially does the same work I do and more. He is undoubtedly intellectually inclined. Because he has been taking courses at my school, he is halfway done obtaining a college degree in chemistry, and will probably attend college for only two years. He knows a lot about computer science as well… probably a lot more languages than most CS majors here, anyway. For a period of time I was aghast at how “competitive” and ahead of the game John was, but that was really not the point at all. It never was… to him, chemistry isn’t about competition and getting ahead… it’s just about learning more about what fascinates him. Obviously this point is a huge cliché and you’ve heard it before, but let me articulate it more precisely, as a career-obsessed college student who is in the process of understanding the specific mechanisms of why this cliché is so powerful and true.

Because I’m pre-med (or I was), I’ve spent most of my time in college trying to figure out how to get an A in a course, which is fair but definitely not the right approach (since this is what pre-med forces you to be like… it’s a corrupt system, honestly. In fact, antithetical to the premise upon which academic institutions exist, but more on this some other evening, in person, and maybe accompanied with a glass of wine). If and when I got grades in the B range, I would be so overwhelmed by how “smart” and competitive everybody around me was, which was usually followed with a crippling sense of self-esteem and crushing lack of faith in my intellectual abilities. It becomes harder and harder every semester to try to get an A in any course if you’ve failed the semester prior… I now realize that my goal has been completely wrong this whole time. I know this sounds like a load of bullshit, but if your goal becomes to want to enjoy what you’re learning (aka you’re willing to put in the effort to enjoy what you learn), then the A naturally follows.

It is true that there are some people out there who are more intellectually inclined than others. What this means for the other average people, though, is that they have to take a leap of faith and try to love the knowledge first before being able to enjoy it (fake it ’til you make it, as they say). It’s like playing violin… nobody enjoys playing when they’re a kid. Are you glad you play now? Gratification and fascination due to knowledge (or anything, really) exists for everyone, it’s just easier to attain for some people than others. Once this passion is attained, though… work isn’t “work” anymore, and it becomes less and less monotonous.

So much about the work culture in America is about monotony and trying to make money to pay your rent, your child’s college tuition, your alimony, what have you. I could see this happening for me if I become a doctor. I want to be able to access the glimmer of fascination I find in CS in my future occupation as easily as possible, and for me that means going into the CS field.

Here’s the thing. I realized that when I went to my chemistry professor’s office hours, I was seeking correct answers. However, when I go to my computer science professor’s office hours, I want to know more about computer science. Things are so much easier to remember when you find them interesting… so you’re more likely to do well on exams and other assessments. Ergo, you’re more likely to achieve that A. Achieving an A is a byproduct of learning. It’s a method of quantifying how much you’ve learned, but the emphasis here is still on the learning. Students very much lose sight of this when they’re so focused on the GPA, especially when they’re pre-med.