The Joys Of Dating A Narcissist
Just over two years ago I broke up with someone. The relationship had lasted a year, but the effects of it still linger. Somehow in that year I went from a confident happy woman to a self doubting shell of a person. I tried to break away many times, but every time I reached that point I was lured back with declarations of love and pleas to give him another chance. In the meantime, there was a constant barrage of mind games, manipulation, criticism and gas lighting. (I didn’t know what this was until the relationship ended and I went on a search to understand what the hell just happened to me).
The biggest learning I got to take away from it all was that none of this would have happened if my boundaries had been stronger (or even existed, for that matter) So I came to the realisation that although the narcissist did the damage, his ability to do it was created well before he came into the picture.
The rebuild has been slow, but there are some positives.
So I learned about boundaries. About how controlling, dominating and abusive parents create a person that doesn’t even know they have a right to boundaries. A right to stand up for the way they deserve to be treated. The knowledge that they actually have a right to be treated well.
There’s a picture quote that comes up on my Facebook page often, and it says “Boundaries, boundaries boundaries, don’t leave home without them” And every time I see it, I remember that it’s just as important to have them at home as well. Enforcing your right to be treated well is important in every aspect of life, but none so important as within the relationships we choose to enter.