Letting Them Down Easy…..Well, At Least I’m Trying To
So, here I am on day 2 of this dating thing. After taking the step to begin this journey, I realized that I would have to reject people and I was unsure of how I should go about it. It seems that men have an issue with rejection. This can lead to me being called out of my name and then me telling them that mothers should have swallowed them. This could go on and on and on… So, I gathered those same crazy chicks that put that sack over my head and threw me in that “Drop Squad” van, and smuggled me into this seedy world of online dating. I asked what to do when I wasn’t interested in someone. They all said “Just ignore them.” I figured it would be that easy. I was wrong.
Once I signed on to the sites, the voltures began to descend. All the wolves came out with their worst “pickup” lines and their “best” profile pictures. Honestly, I never knew men could accessorize like this. Red leather jackets, pinky rings and fur coats. LAWD, I HATE A MAN WITH A FUR COAT. Unless he is snapping for the kids and voguing at a ball, NO MAN should ever walk around looking like Fleetwood Coup Deville. I digress… Give me a minute to regain my composure and think Idris thoughts…….Sexual chocolate, sexual chocolate, sexual chocolate…..I’m back.
What was I saying????? OH YES!!! These men. So, i figured out a way to pick through all of my new prospects. I just go by the same rules I go by if this was a face to face meeting. If they make me feel uncomfortable, I flash them a beautiful smile and keep it moving. Well, now I can only judge a book by it’s cover. So if their picture makes me feel uncomfortable, I don’t pay them the essence of air. Yeah yeah yeah. I’m shallow. Sorry. Not sorry. I have a type. We all have a type, and I don’t know about you squirrels, but my type ain’t strange.
All of that aside, my biggest issue wasn’t the weirdos. My biggest issue was these 20 something boys that kept popping up. They all had the same kinds of pics. There was the gym pic. You know the one that’s taken right near the heaviest weights and his sweat is dripping in just the right spot for the flash. Then there was what I like to call “The Henny.” It’s the picture they take with either a glass of that brown gold or they floss with an entire bottle (some times empty). Then there is the best of all. I call it “The LL Lip Pic.” Ladies, you know the pic. He’s staring into the camera, he has that Tyson Beckford smolder down to a science (it ain’t no good) and his lips are glossed to the GODS. Yeah. I had a bunch of those.
So I decided i would ignore those 20 somethings and their “Hey, cutie.” and “Whats up luv” and “Wats up tho”. But it happened so much and so often, I decided to see what would happen if I kindly declined their offer of future companionship. I decided not to ignore them.
DAMN YOU, AALIYAH AND ROBERT KELLY. I used the same line on each one (I’m a cut and paste girl). “I just want to tell you that while you are very handsome, you’re not exactly in my age range.” I figured these guys would simply walk away. Ugh!!!! Do you know what their response was? That’s right squirrel-friends, “Age ain’t nothing but a number.” SMH
So now what do I do? I tried to be nice about this. I even lied and told them I thought they were handsome. Now I have to ignore them. I have to ignore their “???????” and their “So can I get your number?” because I don’t want to have to deal with their wrath after, yet another woman rejects them. I’ll have to see that lame insult “BITCH!!” Oh, about that word. Men have got to come better than this. I deserve a better insult. This word only hurts pre-teens and nuns.
So now that I have let these sad group of men off easy, it’s time to move on to who I AM talking to….. but that’s a story for next time.