Ok. So I started this dating thing all wrong. No. Wait. This is supposed to be a learning process. Let me start over.
Ok. So I figured out where I went wrong with this dating thing. Online dating isn’t for me. Although many people use it to find their soul mates, I have found that I used it, although very briefly, to make things easier. I’m a naturally shy person. In my last relationship, I was approached. He wasn’t a stranger, so no introductions were needed. I wasn’t out to find a date. I was just out to have a good time with family. Things progresses naturally from that night on. Obviously, things went left and here I am. Single in the city.
Online dating isn’t meant for me. It really isn’t doing anything for my growth as a woman. Let me explain. I’m not dating to become a better woman. No. I’m dating in order to learn about myself. To teach myself to put myself out there. To be more confident with networking, and to learn how to be more out going.
Sometimes I look at my 8 year old and wonder where she came from. She is a constant open book. That girl that everyone likes because she’s always herself. She says "Hello" to everyone walking the school hallways and always has a friend to play with in the park. She’s always ready with an icebreaker. Of course, I worry about her being taken advantage of because she’s so open. But, then, I envy her ability to not even be concerned with the "what ifs." She has no boundaries. I was never like that. Always cautious and thinking about the many ways things could go wrong. Ohhhh to be 8 again.
I often look at myself in my past relationship and I think Iknow where I failed. I wanted to grow and experience new things with the man I loved. After all, isn’t that what a relationship is? Two people having a great time learning and growing together? Or two people having a horrible time but knowing how to get past it and grow together from that difficulty? Perhaps I was wrong about the level of togetherness that is required or allowed.
So, now that I have recognized what I want to gain from this, I can come up with a plan of action. This isn’t just about finding love. This is about reaching out and grabbing what I want. I won’t second guess myself. I’ll put my fears aside and trust that things will work. While finding a tall, dark, handsome man with the humor to make me belly laugh and the musk that makes my knees weak, would be a bonus. Finding myself is my goal.