What Being Strong Enough to Be Yourself Looks Like

Yesterday I shared how uncovering an old, outdated (false) story drove me to strive for excellence, to be better than others and to be perfect. Doing this definitely served me on some level and I’m grateful for all that I was able to achieve because of it.

But at some point, diminishing returns sets in. Instead of helping me get closer to who and where I want to be, it starts hindering it — especially when the story of standing out by becoming the best evolves into telling myself that it’s not ok to be myself because it means I’m going to be different from people around me and I’m gonna stick out like a sore thumb instead.

If you missed the story I told yesterday, in a nutshell, I was nine when a teacher shamed and punished me in front of the class for getting the wrong answer. For the record, I don’t blame her anymore. Most adults and caregivers were well-intentioned. They were only doing the best they could with what they knew at that time.

Another layer I discovered from this incident was my need to be perfect. Getting the ‘right’ answer so I won’t be shamed again, so I won’t stick out (in a bad way) like I did when the punishment was to stand on my chair with my hands raised above my head for the whole period.