It really happened
We were all there
We witnessed it
The first time there was really peace and unity
Different states, different languages, different cultures, different religions
We all came together as one
To fight for our beloved country
To fight for Justice
To fight for our future
I have always struggled with overthinking and overprocessing things.
I’d play imaginary scenarios in my head daily.
Make plans for what I’d do in the event of a crisis that I made up in my head happened.
I thought I was just really good at planning and preparing for the…
I know, I know
You’ve probably heard me say this before.
Hear me out again.
I doubt this would be the last time I discover myself.
I’m only human, I’m evolving everyday, experiencing life in different ways and I’m constantly changing.
With every new phase comes a time where…
No matter how many times I read my Bible or pray or listen to sermons, I’ve not been able to fully understand God.
Every time it seems like I’ve made a breakthrough, I’m left with a lot more questions than answers.
God is love.
This seems to be the easiest…
Its okay if it didn’t work out
At least you got to love.
You got to have beautiful memories.
You learnt more about yourself.
You were truly happy in the moment.
And that is perfectly okay.
Remember the happy times.
Don’t live in regret.
Don’t live with resentment.
Leave with gratitude in your heart that at least you got to experience love.
It’s been crippling, living in a place where I’m constantly worried and afraid of the unknown.
Constantly thinking ‘what if?’ ‘How?’ ‘Why?’ ‘When?’
I’m done with that life. I’m taking a leap of faith.
I’m not going to wonder what would happen if life happened.
I’m going to go out and make life happen.
I’m going to dream big.
I’m going to take risks.
I’m not going to be afraid of making mistakes.
I’m leaving my comfort zone, because it’s been everything but comfortable.
Where did it all go wrong?
On some days, I go back in time and look at the conversations we had before everything fell apart.
I try to pinpoint where it all went wrong.
Where did it all change?
And there it was.
I found it.
It was something you said.
Something that literally turned my world upside down.
Something that made me excited and confused at the same time.
On some days I wish you didn’t tell me this.
Maybe things would be different now.
Maybe I wouldn’t be so heartbroken.
Maybe we would’ve still been friends.
Maybe we would’ve been happy.
And I hate you for telling me this.
I hate you for telling me that you loved me.
Because that was when everything changed.
This time it’s my fault
I admit it.
I didn’t handle this situation well.
I let my emotions control me instead of controlling them.
Now everything has spiraled out of control.
I’m here trying to be steady and stable.
I’ve messed things up so badly I’m not even sure how to recover fully.
I take full responsibility for how everything turned out.
I hope you’d some day find it in your heart to forgive me.
It might feel like a lie.
But I truly did love you.
I just didn’t know how to not hurt you.
I should be sad
I should cry
But I can’t
It’s exhausting to feel
I’m in pain, but I’m holding out
Because there’s no point in reacting
No point in feeling
I have no strength to fight
I’m just going to wait till it all goes away
Maybe time will heal this
Maybe it won’t
I don’t even care anymore.