#boychild

There has been a lot of talk on social media, even more lately, regarding the boy child. I never followed much of it as most of it is just some rant for attention by people on twitter. For this reason, I never stomached such tom-foolery. I am always the fixer so my logic goes along the idea that why not do something about it already? But that’s just me. I think I am most pissed by it all when a person, mostly an entitled lad, dismisses my points with a “But boys have it hard too.” That is very true and no one is discounting your experiences or school of thought. I wish, however, you started the conversation and brought up the issues boys, sorry “boy child”, face. I would have loved to listen. So I am done complaining too and I am trying to do something about it.


I understand what one would mean when they say that the “boy child” has been neglected. I don’t agree, but I understand. I was walking home today and I saw three young boys and one, the youngest, was crying because he had fallen down or something. There is nothing special about this I know. It, however, got me thinking of the many times I have had boys as young as two being told by an adult who feels they are well-meaning and comforting words like “Man-up!” “Men don’t cry!” At the same time, I keep wondering why “strength” is associated with the male gender, but that is not the agenda.

It comforts me when the boy keeps crying and expresses his hurt feelings regardless. Over time, however, these boys will begin to listen to the noise and feed it and think it as the truth. That crying and letting your feelings out is something women do and men don’t. It turns boys into beings who have perfected the art of pretense just so that they look like they have it all together in front of people. Maybe I am wrong but what do I know? I am not male and I might never understand half of what it takes to be so. Please feel free to let me know this, I really don’t know. I think we could do better as a society when it comes to raising boys. We should allow them to be exactly who they are and not expect them to fit into our expectations of what they should be as individuals. This, of course, goes for both genders. Always be you!

One of my friends keeps telling me that to be a boy is to raise yourself up. It didn’t make sense to you either at first? It can’t be just me

. He keeps stating that for girls they have their mothers since birth and they grow up knowing what being a woman entails. Where were their fathers though? Boys, on the other hand, especially after circumcision will be let out like they are grown-ups. I have seen this in my community and the worst part is they undergo this, at least in my village, after they are done with class eight. This is mostly between the age of 12–15 depending on many factors. I know of a friend of mine who was bullied in high school simply because he was not “man enough” yet. I wonder how they found out, but that’s beside the point. These “entitled men” will then loiter around the streets and do what other older boys are doing because that is what their “mentors” claim is what a man does. I am obviously leaning toward the village life here as that’s what happens in my community. It could be different in your city. And then we wonder why young boys have the guts to hit on a full grown woman. Where they learn to catcall women on the road and saying sweet nothings they don’t mean just to simply talk. It is sad and I wish parents did better by them. I get where my friend is coming from and I agree with him to some extent. However, I feel like no one should be burdened with the weight of societal expectations of them. I wish we raised our children to be respectful and disciplined, but at the same time allowed them to reveal their uniqueness to the world. But wishes are not horses. A child has no business being told that men don’t belong in the kitchen. He has no business being told it is weak to cry or to put up a brave face always even when they are dying inside. Everybody has a unique thing they bring to the table and it has never made sense to me what gender has got to do with it.


Sure we can argue that it is what makes us Africans or that it is our culture.
However, people make the culture. It is not the culture that makes us. If we were abiding by the culture we would still be living in huts, men hunting and women left at home to cook and raise our children for us. We would still have circumcision for girls and other nasty foolishness. I am not saying culture is all wrong. Culture teaches us to be respectful and greet people more often than necessary. The African culture specifically encourages togetherness and community growth. But like every other thing in life; pick what works for you and leave what doesn’t.

May we be better by our boys and girls. Go in peace to love and serve!

“Definitions belong to definers, not the defined.” People might define you but thankfully that’s not your weight to carry, it’s theirs. — I am not sure where I first read this.

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