I keep on falling in love

I keep on falling in love! At the start of the year, I gave myself only one resolution. I decided to focus more on “being” than just “doing”. All my life I have always been focused on the next project. I just kept on doing and every time I was not doing a “big” thing in my life I felt like something was missing. It was to the point where I only allowed myself to have fun only after I felt I had worked hard enough to deserve playing. For this reason, my resolution has been a difficult one. It has left me so uncomfortable especially at the stage I was when all I needed was to just throw myself into something just to forget the issues I had in my life. I would feel lonely sometimes, sad and kept despairing but I still forced myself to march on. I even did my best to discipline myself from social media for a while. I wanted to gain that control of my life and be comfortable in my solitude doing nothing. Just Being.
I started being more keen and listening to more than what people let out. I would enjoy conversations with people even more. It was lovely getting to know people deeper than just the shallow fun side of them. It was vulnerable, fun and scary for me. All this has led me to fall in love with so many people. It was and still is scary. I always associated falling in love with vulnerability. Something I only allowed myself to feel when I feel the person is truly deserving of it. This is why it scared me to hell. At the same time, I felt lucky. Lucky to know what my friends were all about. Lucky to have the chance to know what they cared about, what made them tick as human beings, what scared them and even what their aspirations were. The first time I remember I recoiled and avoided this guy for a while then I let myself feel this with more and more people. It made it easier.
It has all changed me. I now see the pain behind people. I can see the desperation on that hawker who got onto the bus to sell his samosas in a bucket hoping that someone will buy them. The brave face he tries to wear after that so that he looks all calm and collected but deep down one can see the sadness. Sadness because no one bought the samosas he hopes will buy his supper that day. I see that pain and it is so real. I always liked to Mind my own business. I learnt not to focus on other people’s pains as “we all have our issues”. I carry my own cross, do you too. Once in a while, however, it helps to stop and smell the roses. You get to see more than what people let out. You see their soul, their pain and you just can’t help falling in love with them even if it is for a brief moment. It is one of the best feelings in the world. It is at the same time magical. I wish I started this earlier but at the same time, I am glad I actually started.
For the better part, I love the experience and I am excited to know what more it has in store for me. Have a fun week and remember to fall in love with someone.
