Do you ever wonder what effect you have on your kids?
Everytime a lamp is “accidentally” smashed even though you’ve told your child to stop pulling at it 3 times, or everytime you see some green scribbles which are apparently supposed to be Sponge Bob all across your new painted hall , admit it, you want to snap, pull your hair out and open up that bottle of wine a little earlier than usual.
And don’t you just hate it when you finally get the kids down to sleep, you sneak in to check in on those little angles quietly sleeping, gently kiss them on the nose , then stand on Legos or Shopkins characters that send searing burning pains through your foot that make you want to scream and smash all those little devil’s toys, but instead as usual you keep it in , in fear of waking those little angels up and turning into over tired screaming banshees.
Admit it there are days you want to hear your hair out. Days where you’ve told your kids off for something they’ve done, something they might have done and maybe even sometimes when they’ve done nothing at all . Kids test you to the limit. But straight away , after you’ve given the telling off, you look at their little face , and whether they are guilty of spilling the jug of milk on the kitchen floor and lieing about it or not, you get a hard rush of guilt. No one likes telling their kids off or punishing them of what ever it is you choose to do. But it’s a normal reaction. You’re trying to teach them right from wrong . What’s good what is bad. But that voice in my head at least , always says
“Oh look at their little face. Should have I told them off? Was I too harsh? Was I not harsh enough?”
I question my parenting all the time. As I’m sure others do. The one constant question in my head is
“How do my kids feel about me? Do they think I’m a good mommy?”
I suppose that’s just the reality of parenting. But , in my experience , that self doubt I have DOES affect my parenting. When they kids do do something they are not supposed to ,after explaining they can’t do it , why they can’t ,etc. , I start to question wether I was I harsh or was I too soft ? I think if I was too harsh I go and hug them and apologise for telling them off for something they shouldn’t have done in the first place ? If I think I was too soft I start nagging about it ? I must be confusing my kids right?
Don’t get me wrong this is not an every day thing , I’m not a rampaging monster mum and my kids are not horrible and I’ll reared. But kids are kids right? And they all have their moments? I guess I’m just not great at judging at what my reaction should me because I worry about how they are feeling too much I suppose.
Damn parenting is hard but it’s all worth it when they tell you they love you and you know it’s true when you look in their big beautiful eyes.
But recently I’ve had an epiphany ..
mother is God in the eyes of a child
be good to your children and your children will be good to you. They follow your example. They do what you do. Talk how you talk. You are everything to them . They are everything to you . What could be more perfect than that. I’ve stopped trying to judge my parenting and have learned to just be in every moment and take a breath and think . You never know when you’ll have those moments again . They grow up so fast
Feel free to comment your thoughts on this , if you’ve had similar thoughts or experiences let me know