Losing Your Shit (on your 4-year-old)
There we were, Holden and I, having the most lovely day at the park. Hats on, sun out, fed the ducks, stuck our toes in the water, good park day.
We had a good solid 2 hours of fun in the sun. And then, well, we had an accident.
There’s always a struggle to get into the car seat. I’m sure most parents can relate. I honestly think it’s the kids way of asserting their authority. I’ll get in the car seat when I’m damn well READY to get in the car seat! He finally got in, I went for the buckle and WHAMO, he lifted his cup (which is actually my Contigo cup and quite hard/solid) and whacked me right under my chin. The pain I felt was immediate and it hurt. I had to take deep breaths NOT to smack my assailant, which I quickly recognized as my son.
He looked stunned by my pain. I knew it was an accident and I uttered those actual words out of my mouth. “I know this was an accident buddy but I want to you ask if I’m ok when something like that happens”. Reaction; deer in headlights. Here’s the thing. We’ve had this talk more than once. He refuses to ask if I’m ok (or whomever got hurt). I don’t know what it’s about but today, I wasn’t having it.
“Pretzels please”! That’s why he said instead.
Um, NO. You can have pretzels when you show me some mother f’ing empathy! I must have yelled because he started giving me the sour face (which I normally find adorable) but today when he said “you know WHAT! I’m mad at you!” I said “Right back at ya”!
I made him talk to me when we got home and explained myself like any adult talking to a child (which basically didn’t make too much sense). I told him I loved him and we “made up”.
When Troy came home I told him the whole story and he casually said “Yeah, he was basically scared, like a dog. You got hurt and he knew he caused it. He was freaked out and shut down.”
Oh.
So simple. I felt silly (and bad) how invested in my anger and ego I’d been. I’m the adult. Holden is the 4-year-old. But in the moment, that was hard to remember.
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