Why This Married Person Asked A Dating Coach For Advice

I had the pleasure of attending my first TEDx event. The subject was “The Road Less Traveled” and the panel ranged from circus performer to human health activist. Because the event was on the smaller side, we were able to ask questions to each and any of the presenters, after all of them spoke. The four speakers sat in a row, and the audience began asking as wide a range of questions as the speakers were from each other.

The last presenter of the evening was a dating coach for men. I am not looking to date, nor am I a man, but for some reason her speech resonated with me. I think because she represented a hope for love that I remember looking for before I met my husband, a belief that there IS someone a person (maybe more than just one) out there for everyone, and some solid ideas of what to do to find that love.

I loved her.

Ruby Le at TEDx Culver City

Her name is Ruby Le and at the very end of the Q&A when all the speakers were lined up, I found myself raising my hand. Was I the one asking the circus performer what his greatest injury was, or asking the health activist where she found the courage to enter all the unstable countries most of us not only avoid reading about but would never consider visiting?

No, I raised my hand and asked the dating coach this; “If you could give one piece of advice to my single friends who are close to or have given up hope for love, what would it be?”.

And her answer was great. First, she said, they need to ask themselves if they truly want love. And I think this is a great point because most of us grow up thinking life should look a certain way, and that usually means getting married. But for some people, that is not how they actually want to design their life. Some people thrive in singleness. And some people would be “ok” with love but do not want it, enough, which brings me to her second point. Finding love is work. Dating is hard. We train for a job, we go to school to learn a trade, love takes work. It’s not easy. But it is there if you want it. She was as realistic as she was hopeful.

And guess what single people. Once you find love, keeping it strong is just as much work (and oh-so worth it)…

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