I’m angry.
I’m exhausted.
I’m tired. I’m mentally checked out.
It’s reaching a level where there’s a point of no return.
I do love America, but it doesn’t love me or my people back. It just wants our culture, us to entertain them with sports and music because they’re bored, and then us dead.
People (mostly that dude who has cult supporters) have complained and bitched about stay at home orders because of a global pandemic. What do they do? Of course, they bring an assortment of guns to a protest, and lynch a doll of a governor in protest, and nothing happens. It’s comical how police officers wouldn’t even attempt to shoot them, choke hold them, or arrest them.
People are in outcry about public executions of black people on camera, and we’re being told to wait for the facts because we “don’t know what was said or what happened.” Crazy. We can’t be too surprised. This is America. Don’t catch you sleeping though.
When shit hits the fan like this and we have to mourn Tamir Rice, Michael Brown, Trayvon Martin, Eric Garner and now George Floyd, there is this radio silence from a record amount of people because they’re probably okay with these events happening, using their privilege.
It’s a cycle, a never ending cycle because it’s seen as “okay” because of the belief that it’ll go away over time. That’s the problem in itself. This isn’t going to just disappear and get swept under the rug.
I love being black. Black excellence is fantastic.
It saddens me that the color of my skin scares people; that it seems to make people have this anger and hatred. It’s a damn shame that I have to get texts from BOTH my parents about being careful because they’re afraid for me.
It’s a sickening feeling that the moment I step out of the house, it could be the last time due to the fact that there’s someone out there who hate my skin color. Some will think I’m exaggerating. That’s fine. Try having guns drawn at you by four police officers because of “mistaken identity” even when you’re wearing slacks, a button-up and a tie. It’s a shit feeling, a feeling that will never go away.
I don’t have a criminal record. I’m one of the “safe” blacks that racist whites speak about and yet, I don’t feel safe in this damn country, and haven’t for awhile. When the people who are supposed to “serve and protect” see me as a threat to society, why should I or “we” seemly choose to trust them? They just see me and my people as road kill and that we’re animals.
Killing someone who is unarmed and has zero threat to you doesn’t make you a badass, it makes you look like a coward. Not stopping someone’s inappropriate actions, then protecting them makes you a coward, and guilty.
This isn’t a political issue, and I can’t believe that a cult of people believe it is. The fact that screaming “Black Lives Matter” gives these people the power to scream “All Lives Matter” or my personal favorite, “Blue Lives Matter,” makes me chuckle. Do police officers have blue skin? If anything, their life and protection is safer than my own fucking life. All lives can’t matter if one sect or race continuously doesn’t matter to people. Quit being ignorant.
There are gonna be people who want to silence me or will try to silence me. I really don’t care. If you’re worried about the message, then maybe… fix your life and your interactions with people of color. Check your privilege and ask yourself: “Do I feel safe just walking out of my house?” because a whole bunch of us have this feeling of checking and looking behind us every time we step out the house.
I’m running out of answers. I’m mentally spent on something that seems to be so simple morally seems to be this hot button issue because people don’t want to address it.
It’s time, or been time to address it.
It was time to address it when Colin Kaepernick and Megan Rapinoe took a knee back in 2016 during the National Anthem. It was time to address this back in the 1990s when everyone saw Rodney King get assaulted. I’ll even go back and say it was time to address it during the civil rights movement, or even before then.
Nothing as changed. We just have iPhones to record everything since the body cameras that officers are supposedly using never seem to “turn on.” Funny.
I’m tired of being unheard and being forced to be silent about my people dying on at alarming basis by either police officers or citizens who think it’s okay to kill unarmed black people because they’re “scared.”
If you can’t say Black Lives Matter, then clearly you don’t care about my well-being or any other person of color’s well-being. This isn’t something that is hard to say. This is about morals and ethics, while protecting people while exercising your privilege because clearly, if I were chose to protect myself, I’m just another black man dead.
My life matters and to some of America, I’m just another “animal” who needs to be big game hunted. It’s a shame. But at the end of the day, I’m going to continue to fight for what’s right, and what I believe in.
