Where

Where do I belong?

Is it my fault that I feel out of place?

The fact that everyone gets excited about cocaine, molly, ecstasy, roofies

And all I get, is this empty feeling

Like I don’t belong

Like these are not my kind of people.

But when I search for my kind of people, when I do what I love, when I trust myself

I feel lonely. Because there is no one there with me, I am doing the things only I like, and so the question remains

Should I do more for others?

No. All I really crave is one. Just one person is enough for me. Simple as that.

I’m not a crowd pleaser, hence the reason I always fail my friends when meeting up for parties, hangouts, “seshs”

I’m sorry friends, I feel out of place. That’s just me.

But where is it then? Are the constant summer nights where I walk home alone thinking about how much I actually hated the night a message to me?

Is it a problem if the only reason I wanted to go to this party was for someone I think is extremely genuine and beautiful, inside & out?

In the end, they didn’t end up going

Just my luck.

But I did, and I hated it. Is that my fault?

I hope that one day, I find my place. And if that place is lonely, if I am in solitude like I always am, then maybe I have to just accept it.

I guess everyone here likes drugs, likes parties, hooking up with random people, getting into fights, swearing each other out, talking about foul topics in search of humor and condescending remarks

The only thing that runs through my head is when I can go home and write, read, research, study, think about what goes on in the world, the languages I want to learn, the places I want to visit, oh and the people I want to meet.

I do not care about how much alcohol I can drink compared to you.

I do care about the people in the world who suffer, how I can help them, what my mind can do, how far I can push myself, and how I can make my mark in this world.

So the question remains, Where do I belong?

It may not be here, but I’ve made it so. I’m in the wrong community, one that I thought was right.

But at times, I love it.

And at other times, I have never felt so alone.

So i guess, I’m just confused.

And the question remains,

Where do I belong?

)
    Shaun Peter Smerling

    Written by

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