The hole in your soul never goes away. I have lost close family members, dear friends and other loved ones but nothing has ever felt so devastating as the loss of the one who was in every sense of the word my adopted child. In time, the love and good memories covers up the hole but every once in awhile, more frequent than not, the hole breaks through and aches all over again. Your grief is legitimate and the loss is very real. And more than that, your little boy is owed that grief for his very real, and very important, life. It is a life that all sentient beings have a right to, and the very ones that the human species seeks to denigrate so that they can continue exploitation, murder and dominance. But as for your child, I recognize and understand your grief and have felt it 3 years ago and can tell you, it never goes away. The good news is that neither does that bonded love.