and if that isn’t the greatest phrase someone can utter before expelling hell’s scariest creatures from half-naked possessed people while using the ye ole
then i don’t know what is.
anyway, there’s something about the way keanu goes about conducting his professional demon-hunting services
how sure he is of himself
how he oozes insane confidence, even as he stares evil straight in the face
laughing ever so faintly because john constantine ain’t never scared
and rises to every occasion, like a star baseball player, coming up to bat
in the bottom of the ninth with a chance to walk it off.
yet, in this case, john constantine is the star
and he will always knock it outta the damn park
since he’s batting 1.000 on the road cuz he’s
cool, calm, and collective, baby —
never worried about mashing a slider or death’s face in.
all this to say: i wonder what john constantine’s yelp score is.
if i had to guess it would be a perfect four stars because realistically speaking there’s no way to rate a demon hunter’s effectiveness unless they legit chicken out halfway through an exorcist and retire on the spot.
even then i feel like it would be totally understandable cuz fuck that noise, yo. that shit is scary.