Dear Liam,
You probably don’t know my name, or what you’ve done to cause this overwhelming pain in me. But I’m not here to talk about your mistakes or the missteps that all humans make. I’m not here to place blame. I’m here because I loved you, and a part of me always will. You were a significant part of my life, shaping my final years of childhood and my teenage years when I was completely obsessed with five boys — one of them being you.
Now, I’m a young adult. And even though I’ve grown, I still love One Direction, and I’m mourning your loss with a broken heart. It wasn’t easy to hear the answer to the question, “Who’s gonna be the first to say goodbye?” I wasn’t ready for it to be you. I always believed that when I was 60 or 70, one of you might say goodbye. I never thought it would be now, while I’m in my 20s and you are in your 30s.
Did you know that I taught myself English because of your group? I have always had a soft spot for Zayn, ever since I saw the “What Makes You Beautiful” video. He still remains my type. But over the last 12 years (I became a Directioner in 2012), you have become my happy place.
I was insecure, but I forgot that whenever I was with you. I was just watching a group of boys I didn’t know personally, making music and having fun. It felt like having a group of best friends — friends who were always there for me through your music, interviews, and the magazines I bought. My love for Zayn was love at first sight, but my love for all of you grew into something real and beautiful.
Can you imagine how hard it is to say goodbye to someone who changed your life when you had nothing? I was stuck in a box, but you were there, transforming that box into something amazing.
My view of the world has changed because of you.
I’m praying for you, Liam. I love you, and I truly hope that you have finally found the peace you deserve.
Goodbye, Payno.
