Things People Have Said to Me on Tinder. Or why my cactus Dave might be my one true love.

  • I don’t normally find black girls attractive
  • If I told you I’ve always wanted to yank a nose ring from a girl’s face, is that something you could cater to?
  • I’ll tell you my real age, eventually, one day
  • I should have dumped my coffee over your braids
  • My worst character trait? Probably my lack of cleanliness
  • So, what are your thoughts on cake sitting?
  • Yeah, I voted for Trump :/
  • [Whitest white man ever] White girls are so basic
  • I totally don’t give to charity.
  • Did you see Drake when he was here last?? One Dance is the jam
  • I can help you eat fries you ordered, so you don’t look fat
  • I do music…And art. And my rugged good looks
  • I don’t really do scary things that much tbh. I tried walking up this dark tunnel on the Mississippi riverbank about a year ago, that made me feel kinda nervous.
  • You’re really the real Uncle Tom
  • Yes, I’m still married

Things I’ve Said to People On Tinder. Or why my cactus Dave might be my one true love.

  • I guess that’s the best thing about being a forklift operator
  • What if there’s a finite amount of fun in the world and at some point we’ll run out? O_o
  • Right now my hair is mainly yarn and burnt plastic, looks dope
  • Not eating with a fork, definitely a deal breaker
  • The chapter about dead babies is sad but also kind of funny
  • Thanks for the info, now I won’t look silly when talking about disc golf
  • I peed myself in a grocery store once
  • I’d definitely prefer avocado and chill
  • Rapey…racist…romance…R words are pretty intense
  • I wanna be up late thinking about cryptic things
  • I can read war poems to you
  • It’s -1 but I’ll stay warm if I don’t stop running
  • Why are you putting lotion in the frying pan?
  • I look like I’m auditioning for America’s Next Tramp Model
  • Yes, I’m still married
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