Fantasy Shitpost Episode 13: The Calm Before the Storm

In Honor of Eli Manning


Week 13 is tomorrow and at first I wasn’t going to do this as the playoff spots are nearly locked as it is. But fuck it, why not.
I have decided to do one more week similar to the seasons format, except this is really just more or less to discuss the match-ups in which we will be seeing and to really just see if its possible for some teams to get into the playoffs. For the most part, most of the spots for the playoffs are guaranteed and at this point its more for seeding, however it would be fair in my opinion to at least explore some of the other options.
We will be looking at some of the match-ups and results and the what ifs. If the tiebreakers were depending on head to head match-ups, it would appear that certain teams would have guaranteed themselves a spot. But from what the settings say in the league rules, tie breakers go to points total. Now I’m not 100% sure if this will count the head to head match-up. If it does, a couple of teams will be in no matter what. If it doesn’t, which I’m just going to assume based upon whats written, we’re going to look at a couple of scenarios where just for shits and giggles, we can see some really crazy scenarios where some teams could make the playoffs.

Shout out of the week: Goes to the Colorado State University for shitting on the undefeated record of Colorado University in NCAA. Great to see that program shine after getting a new stadium which is hear is the shit to attend, I’ll have to do so next year for sure.

Power Rankings Week 13

John Elway Tier

The teams in this tier have secured themselves a playoff spot and a bye no matter what happens tomorrow.

  • Team DIEGOD (Bob): A well deserved spot as win or lose, the only team that is worthy of a no questions asked bye. It will be odd for him to know that next week he won’t really be watching football with the same experience.
    Originally Projected: The Jarmarcus Russell aka Akili Smith tier

Matt Stafford Tier

Teams in this tier have a secured a spot in the post season regardless, although without securing the other bye. These teams are playing for mainly seeding (although 3 are fighting for a bye in the East Division).

  • Auto Pick (Ben): The only person who can get a bye with a win outright. Can also get a bye with a loss and Miguel and I both getting losses as well. However out of the 3 teams in the East Division in this tier (Shea, Miguel, Ben), he has the lowest points for total at 1300.7.
    Originally Projected: Matt Stafford, this one I got right.
  • Meeseeks and Destroy (Shea): I have the head to head tie breakers over Ben but I do not have the tie breakers over Miguel. I can get a bye with a Ben loss and a Miguel loss only. However if its points, I am sitting at 1370.5 which is above Ben, but a little below Miguel.
    Originally Projected: Peyton Manning Tier aka John Elway Tier
  • Team Chacon (Miguel): Miguel on the other hand can get a bye with a Miguel loss only. Miguel and Ben split their series but Miguel has over 100 points for over Ben, sitting currently at 1418.3. Unless Ben’s team has the time of their lives, I doubt this will be changing. If I win or lose does not affect this at all when it comes to head to head tiebreakers but if points are determining, there is a chance he could lose out to me and I could take over with a bye.
    Originally Projected: Jarmacus Russell Tier aka Akili Smith
  • 1.21 JJWatts (Darcy): Cannot get a bye, but at least knows that win or lose, he will be in the playoffs. At least I was right away about part. Its a shame too since he does have the leagues most points for at 1564.8 currently.
    Originally Projected: Peyton Manning Tier aka John Elway Tier

Jay Cutler Tier

One of these 3 teams will be claiming the 6th and final spot, although one is nearly a lock.

  • Pimpin Ain’t Breesy (Logan): Logan is the only team here that controls his destiny. A win outright secures him the playoffs. However with a loss and with his points for currently sitting at 1421.8, well here’s where it gets interesting, albeit a very far shot. Remember, if head to head match-ups count, then Logan who has the win over Justin and Tony, is in no matter win or lose, but if points are the determining factor…
    Originally Projected: Alex Smith Tier aka Jay Cutler, this one I also got right
  • Pound Town (Justin): So obviously, Justin needs Logan to lose. Justin’s points for currently is 1318.1. Now Darcy did get over 180+ points in a week and we have seen teams get 60 point games, so its not crazy to think there isn’t a very slim but hopeful chance. Like I said, anyone but Logan is really doubtful at best. But technically, if tie breakers are based upon points for, then there is a chance.
    Originally Projected: Alex Smith Tier aka Jay Cutler, this one I also got right
  • Team Grzebinski (Tony/Pollack): With the lowest points for in the league at 1263.2, realistically, there is no chance of him advancing but technically speaking, there is a chance. He would have to win, Logan would have to lose and he would have to have a higher point total than Logan’s current 1421.8 points for and addition to what he would get over this week. Like I said, technically there’s a chance, but realistically I think hes done for the season, but if he did get in, he would have had a number so high it would break the ESPN website more than likely.
    Originally Projected: Matt Stafford Tier

Akili SmithTier

Formerly Ryan Leaf Tier

These teams don’t have any chance of the playoffs whatsoever, only the weekly high. These teams are bad and should feel bad.

  • Team Mojo (Tim): Sorry bro. Hopefully next season is a lot more successful. One of the most active teams in the league.
    Originally Projected: Alex Smith Tier aka Jay Cutler
  • Team Ward (Noah): One of the nicest guys in the league and yet 2nd year in a row I’ve seen where his team just shits the bed. I don’t know what to think of it, maybe you need to start sacrificing some animals or something.
    Originally Projected: Alex Smith Tier aka Jay Cutler


Tim V Shea: Projections wise this looks to be a close game. I am hoping for my sake, that I win this game so I have a shot at the bye. Tim is playing for the weekly high which means that this isn’t a gimme, despite the fact he won’t be in the post season. However, Tim has put up a decent lineup but I don’t see anything here that isn’t too great. Mike Evans without a healthy Winston just isn’t the same nor is Jack Doyle without Luck. However Newton vs the Saints could be big. Still too many weapons on my team and of course Le’Veon Bell.

Shea Wins

Justin V Miguel: While writing this, already Miguel is projected to beat Justin, although that’s just through ESPN’s projections. I doubt that things will go too out of the ordinary but I did hear that Jenkins, the Atlanta CB is out, so Diggs could be in a for a big game. Still, as much as it would benefit me to have Miguel lose, it doesn't seem like this is the week to happen. Kirk Cousins did not put up the big points needed and when Dez Bryant’s above 15 points, you gotta watch out.

Miguel Wins

Darcy V Bob: Another great game that is meaningless due to the fact that win or lose does not change anything huge. I would think that without Elliot, Bob just doesn’t the firepower to match up to Darcy’s lineup when its at full strength. Fitzgerald, Brown and Gronk could each have 20+ points. This team is so scary offensively. Still Russell Wilson is no one to sleep on. Cept I can’t see the Rams not giving Gurley some chances to score in the red zone.

Darcy Wins

Tony V Noah: According to what I wrote earlier, Tony needs a massive game. I mean a legendary game. And that’s only if I’m reading into all this correctly. Crowder however has fallen short of this and even though there are several good match-ups, I think Tony will get the win since hes facing Noah, and that seems to be Noah’s story this season. I think Brady is about to go off as New England usually does against the Bills, but I think Leonard Fournette is about to have a big game against a questionable Colts team.

Tony Wins

**Match Up of the Week**

Ben V Logan: In a week of a lot of games where there just isn’t that juicy match-ups going on, we finally get probably one of the most meaningful one or that could have the biggest impact. Logan is playing to secure the fact he won’t have to worry about some one in a million shot of not making the playoffs and Ben’s playing for a by e.
Carson Wentz by far is the better QB having a MVP like season. No question he is the favorite. Melvin Gordon against Cleveland? Kamara against Carolina that has play good but not amazing defense. These seem better than Lamar Miller against a stout Tennessee team or a Lions RB in 2017. Tyreek and Juju I don’t see outscoring Julio Jones and Hopkins, both of which are putting up big #’s this season and Julio is starting to look like himself.
Travis Kelce is still a great TE, meaning this is just another edge that Logan has, in additional to a Flex of Christian “CMac” McCaffrey. I just don’t see a Miami TE or Sammy Watkins being able to put up solid #s. However I could see the Packers Defense outscoring the Broncos Defense, until the Broncos show they can have a half decent offense, I can’t really root for a Denver player right now when it comes to fantasy, sorry for those going into the playoffs with Denver players.

Logan Wins

My current prediction record 31–28. Next week for sure though will be a new format and will be set up differently, as well as I will be looking at some end of the year cumulative upcoming. Anyways as always, good luck!