Fantasy Shitpost Episode 7: The Playoff Picture Awakens

Recap

So its week 7 and once again and just when I think I’m going to get the weekly total I get it stolen, Logan you son of a bitch. For some of you out there that are struggling not to off yourself after a horrible season let alone keep playing, remember, there is still a $20.00 weekly bonus for most points. That’s right, so please pull the gun out of your mouth and instead, think of the possibilities. Not to mention that at this point there are maybe only 1–2 teams that are realistically out of reach. Remember, 6 teams will go to the playoffs so you don’t have to have the best record, just not the worst.

Shout out of the week: Goes out to Tim, who has watched football every week. No matter where or how are teams are doing, we have a blast. It makes those weeks were you lose better and the ones where you dominate awesome. That and he provided me with food and beer. To those who want to get a shout out, how the hell am I to find out about the awesome things you guys do if I don’t ever see half of you.

Power Rankings Week 7

John Elway Tier

  • Team Chacon (Miguel): After continually guessing this time, I have finally reluctantly decided to join the Miguel bandwagon. I still have no idea how he’s doing this with not too many players that are high ranked, but yet he is pulling off wins, no thanks to that Jags defense and Zach Ertz. The real question is whether or not his QB’s can live up to the hype. T-Mobile was clutch for me, but he has a much worse team. With a rejuvenated Ingram however, he may be able to stay on the top and with some weak match ups ahead, I don’t expect him to fall anytime soon.
  • Team DIEGOD (Bob): Another team I was very questionable about, but then again, when one of your best RB’s was supposed to be suspended for 6 weeks… Never the less, I am man enough to own up to my mistakes. Most positions on this team are great and really the only weakness is his TE. If he were to get his hands on another great TE or Bennett actually starts to do good, this team is a possible finals candidate.

Matt Stafford Tier

  • Meeseeks and Destroy (Shea): I couldn’t rank myself any higher seeing I’m still one game behind in my division. However, I know that my team is one that most of you guys do not want to face. I have two 2 top 5 RB’s including the #1 RB. Now that I am getting consistent WR play, a good TE and possibly a return to form Adrian Peterson? Good luck fuckers. Still despite what has happened, I have some questions at depth, and what the fuck happened to Amari Cooper this season? Thinking…
  • 1.21 JJWatts (Darcy): I think the hype got to him, that or he faced the true soon to be winner in this league and got smacked back a step. I don’t know how I managed to beat this team at its fullest. He has 6 players in the top 10 in terms of points per position. It’s probably due to the fact that he left the real “FitzMagic” on the bench, who is still somehow 25 points behind the #1 WR also on this team Antonio Brown. So really, the only person who beats Darcy, is himself. Still, I don’t want to play this team again anytime soon.

Jay Cutler Tier

  • Pimpin Ain’t Breesy (Logan): As we approach the meaty part of our league, this is where most of the teams are. This magically land of 3–3, and here is a team that seams well positioned to get to the next level. With Gordan and McCaffrey both being top RB’s in respect and the combo of Kelce and Hill, this team is solid and can score high points. However there is still to be some question with the other WR’s outside of Hill. If Alvin Kamara continues to live up to the hype, this is easily a dark horse that could pull up some upsets. The area that I could really see him improving is at QB, Rivers plays against some good teams and despite him getting some garbage time, hes too inconsistent. A top 10 QB would make this team an instant contender.
  • Team Grzebinski (Tony/Pollack): Pretty sure if anyone were to have a heart attack, it would be due to last weeks match up. First Fournette goes down and then he watches as Ty Hilton catch just 1 ball to lose a heart breaker to Miguel. Still he is well prepared grabbing the handcuff to his beloved Fournette and still sitting on David Johnson. I have heard some rumors he may be back and if this team can make the playoffs, no matter the record, that is one player that can literally carry a team to the finals. With questions at his receiving corp and QB play, its hard to see this team contending with the best teams, but like I said earlier, you don’t have to have the best record to make the playoffs, just good enough.
  • Auto Pick (Ben): If it wasn’t for DeAndre Hopkins, this team would look really bad. Say what you want though, he still holds a 3–3 record. However, his players are not ranked high at all for points so far, so it would be surprising to see this team to consistently win. This team is capable of getting him to a 7–6 record, but unless he works some trades or waiver wire pickups, I just don’t see this team having the potential to make it past the first round. But hey, at least the Giants beat Denver this year right?
  • Pound Town (Justin): I had thought that Dak Prescott was overrated, but this season he is proving me wrong. And Cousins is doing what we expected, have a slow start and picking it up. Two great QB’s to choose from is a luxury few in this world have. With that said, they will have to perform great to carry what is an overall mediocre squad of RB’s and WR’s. Sure Diggs can have those games where he goes off but as the season has progressed, defenses have realized this and he is getting less opportunities. Freeman has just not looked quite the same with Atlanta not being as high scoring this year. If Cam Newton can have some better games, the Funchess/Benjamin combo is deadly, but Newton seems to be a roller coaster this year. With a 2–4 record, he needs wins now or he is gonna be hard pressed to move into a playoff berth.

Ryan Leaf Tier

Damn he really fucked up
  • Team Mojo (Tim): Well, he got his first win, but it was against what we could consider the worst team in the league. With news of Andrew Luck being done for the season despite never having played, the news doesn’t get too much better. However, with newly acquired LeSean McCoy, there is some hope. Ajayi gets the carries but hasn’t broken one out, hes due for a 200+ yard game. And Cameron Brate is quietly turning into one of the best TE’s. If this win is the momentum Tim needs, he could get the #6 seed, and for those who have played in the past, anything can happen in the playoffs, you just need to be there.
  • Team Ward (Noah): I feel for Noah. As I had stated last week, you are guaranteed to score an average of 135 points against him, and sure enough, last week backed up that statement. He has 3 QB’s in the top 5 of scoring, I think Noah you may want to trade one for a top RB or WR. With Aaron Rodgers also getting hurt last week, I think you need to start coming out with us so you can at least have some fun on Sunday. At this point, I would try to do what you can to get the weekly highs, you could make your $$ back.

Predictions

After watching players getting injured left and right

Logan V Darcy: This should be a good match up. Darcy continuing a two game losing streak and Logan hot off win, both teams have good RB’s and TE’s that know how to get into the red zone. However, with two of the more important of Logan's players playing against Denver this week, I just don’t see it happening. The Chargers will be playing against a healthier Denver Defense pissed off after losing to the Giants. I suspect this could be a 30+ point victory leading the way of Darcy and his team of studs.

Darcy Wins

Ward V Miguel: This is a match up that I would not be surprised to see this be Noah's first win. Any of Noah's QB’s could go into this week and look good. Jordy against a bad Saints D should give Hundley an opportunity to hit him for some decent yards and CJ Anderson eventually has to do something else hes going to be benched. Still, history shows that Ward is gonna need to put some some points. Although Miguel's match ups aren’t that great on paper, the past says that Noah’s doomed to lost another week. Still I’ll be cheering for the upset.

Miguel Wins

Tim V Bob: Another match up that we could look at just records and guess, but when looking more closely, there is upset potential. Russel Wilson against a Giants team that to be honest, has ways to get after Seattle offense and with AJ Green going against division rivals, I suspect they keep his opportunities limited. If Chris Hogan gets limited again, Bob could be in trouble. Ajayi had decent success and if the Dolphins are on to something, he could have his first monster game. Mix that in with LeSean going against a Buccs team maybe without Winston and he will be pounding the rock all game. Just for the sake of my brother, I’m choosing the underdog.

Tim Wins

Ben V Justin: Justin needs a win and this may be the best match up hes had. Ben has 3 players on bye this week in his lineup and projected for under 70 points. If something was to happen to him and he could not adjust, this could be the easiest win of Justin’s life. Even still, its hard to imagine Justin not winning this game due to the fact his QBs are vastly superior and he actually has a TE that does things. As it stands right now, I expect Ben and Justin to be like Edward Norton and the Neo Nazis in that shower scene in American History X. While it sucks to watch him get gang raped, you realize hes done some shitty things (like not set his lineup) so you really don’t feel too bad…

Justin Wins

**Match Up of the Week**

Shea V Tony: To be honest, with the news that Fournette won’t be missing any time, this is shaping up to be a good match up. QB wise, despite whatever projects that Matt Ryan has been given, he hasn’t delivered at all this year. Even against a horrific Patriots defense, I think they will learn from the Superbowl and run the ball. Speaking of running the ball, its Kareem Hunt vs one of the most questionable defenses in the league. Sure they added Bowman, for like pennies on the dollar which makes me think maybe he had some other issues. LeVeon Bell against a divisional oppenent? Are you kidding? My man is about to go off. With that said, Fournette vs Indy, I’m just hoping last week was enough of a scare to limit Fournettes carries, otherwise, he could have a 30 point game. 
Now WR’s may be where I come back out, as Rishard Matthews just doesn’t look that good and Tennessee is a run first team. TY Hilton just keeps giving games to give hope, but if its another one of those dud weaks, I think Tonys gonna be relying on his RB’s to carry this team. Meanwhile, Landry seems to be the only bright spot in Miami and Cooks is starting to get more looks from Brady. TE’s are even, Engram just came off his best game, he won’t get that against Seattle, where as ASJ, is about to become a top 5 TE after this weeks game. And with the flex, Agholor, is another hit or miss, he could have 20 point game or sub 10. Meanwhile, Peterson will be looking to show last week is not a fluke, and against a Rams team that the Cards could jump out to an early lead, I think he will get his chances.

Shea Wins

My current prediction record 16–13. Depending on the sport this is a great record. This weekend we are going to be meeting up Sunday. I am going to send out an email to ask who all can attend. I recommend those that can should come on out, I can’t imagine its that hard to want to go and have a beer and watch some football…