One usual evening.
“You have to strengthen the inner part of your soul”
“What do you mean by the inner part?”
He pulled out a small paper from his bag and start to draw a circle.
“This is you, you live inside this bubble. Your safety zone. Your sanctuary, whatever you name it.”
“And this is another circle, and another one… the another one, the unimportant ones.”
He drew a lot of black circles encircling my ‘inner part’ bubble, put his pen down, and lean back to the chair.
“The thing is, stop saying “yes” to something you reluctantly agree, and don’t give too much empathy to people, not even your family. Not everyone deserve your act of sacrifice and not everyone worth to be listened. You rule your own life. You have to take care of yourself. If you failed to build your ego, you will fall apart before you know it.”
I looked down to the floor and exhale deeply.
“You did learn Biology in the first year of Medicine, right? You learned about the cells and its membrane. The membrane has to be fully impermeable. If it’s permeable, even just a little, then anything could enter the cell, upsetting the balance between itself and the outside environment. You are currently upsetting the inner part of your soul, yet you keep trying to compromise that you can balance with the outside world. You think you’re strong. You’re not. Not now.” He continued with a concern look and composed gesture.
“Yeah… I don’t know how to start fixing myself. I’m completely a mess right now.”
“Not yet, your insight of illness still working. Otherwise, that suicidal thoughts might lead into action.”
I smiled coyly.
“Thank you, i might need a shot of Coconut Tequila after this.”
“Nope, not alcohol. Not now. We are in the middle of consultation.”
“We are in Paulaner, not in your consultation room.”
He rolled his eyes. “Okay, just one shot..”