Tug
For those who are not actively involved in the lives of their children….
Your children need your love, protection, and affection.
They need you to read to them.
They need your guidance.
They need to understand their heritage.
They need to know that there are forces of good and evil.
They need to know how to balance athletics, recreation, and education.
They need to know that some people are purified assholes and when & how to respond to such disrespect.
They need to hear your voice and instruction next to them at the steering wheel for the first time.
They need to know how to change a flat and take care of a car.
They need to be encouraged to pursue their dreams and desires despite the costs.
They need to know why they should never settle.
They need to know how to make quality decisions and use fundamental cost-benefit analysis.
They need to know that one must absorb and apply what one has learned in school as a college degree of any level means little without relevant, meaningful experience.
They need to know what it means to live on purpose.
They need to know the difference between confidants, constituents, and comrades.
They need to know things to look out for when they’re searching for a church home.
They need to know the importance of reading the Bible for themselves.
They need you to be a man of your word so that they will learn to honor their own.
They need to know how to draw the line between giving up and walking away.
They need to know why mastery is critical to building confidence.
They need to know how to read shady mechanics and salesmen.
They need to know what quality credit and scores look like.
They need to know how simple interest works, particularly when they finance their first vehicle.
They need to know that they should be able to talk to you about anything even though you might be frustrated or worried with some of the issues that come up.
They need to know that they need to live and enjoy their lives by creating memories.
They need to know the basics of home ownership.
They need to know what it takes to have a family and maintain a home.
They need to know how to effectively manage money.
They need to know how, when, and where to make quality investments.
They need to know the generational importance of leaving a legacy.
Consider being to them what others may not have been to you. Let’s be real: one can’t negate the fact that “you can’t lead someone where you haven’t been”. If you don’t know how to do these things [some don’t and that’s alright as long as you’re willing and making an effort to do better] find some books and resources and teach yourself. Don’t wait for anyone to teach you anything. If you need an example, find the humility within yourself to seek a solid mentor for the area where you have opportunity. You just have to be real with yourself and decide to be big enough to embrace the challenge of that need.
You can’t be afraid nor dismissive of the work that’s required of you.
As men, we want to be respected, right? What good is it to be respected in any area of your life other than the respect you earn for taking care of yours? There is absolutely nothing more “manly” and respectable than a man who chooses to be a responsible father. All the money and machismo in the world will never be enough to replace that.
You’re not required to be perfect, but you do know right from wrong. You know in your heart that as a man you have to own what’s yours and do the absolute best you can with what you have.
If you’re afraid of what other people will think because you “showed up late”, the only feedback that matters most is what you’re given from your children. Everyone is an expert at what a man is and what a man is not until they have to step up to the plate where it really matters. Focus on your role. Saint or sinner, people will talk about you regardless. The judge, jury, and executioners stay busy, so don’t let the slightest offense hinder you from being all you can be for your kids.
If you run from or go a day without thinking about the kids you put on this Earth, you have to get control of whatever is eating you or leading you, and choose to man up and face it.
For those of you who have thought of your kids….that tug in your heart….listen to that then get out of your own way.
I’m not saying do a 180. Nobody changes overnight. You have to choose to make the necessary adjustments and act on them one day at a time.
Be genuine. Be encouraged. Be honest. Be accountable.