5 Things That Currently Suck About the iPhone

If you don’t want to read my post you can also watch this awesome video from the Chiz Show that sums up everyone’s frustration. Go ahead I won’t be mad.


I wanted to write this post as I’m in the last two weeks before my upgrade from the iPhone 5 to likely an iPhone 6. It’s been a rough several months as the conspiracy theory that is Apple Corp. has tried everything possible to ensure that my phone is unusable and upgraded before it’s time. So here’s my middle finger manifesto on the iPhone.

  1. WTF doesn’t my music play? I paid $1.29 for a song and when I go to listen it stalls out, hesitates to play, or skips to some other song that it deems readily available. Thanks but no thanks. If I wanted to hear that other song I would have played it. This is the modern version of the record skip, only there’s no physical record and no physical scratch. So therefore there’s no physical earthly reason you shouldn’t be playing my electronic song.
  2. The battery — yes this is a very old complaint but considering they still haven’t fixed it — it’s worthy to revisit again and again. Instead of coming up with an new ios or a new phone version — how about you fix the damn battery on the current version. I use my phone for personal and work and by 12 p.m. it’s dead. Fatal fucking flaw.
  3. The cloud. What is iPhone cloud? Where does it exist? Who can access it? Why can’t I find anything on it? Who am I? Are we alone in this world? I shouldn’t need so many fucking existential questions to figure out a damn cloud. Google’s a cloud and when I go to it my stuff is there — it’s searchable and it makes sense. Which leads me to believe the iCloud is bullshit or like that fake department at Wayne Corp. run by Morgan Freeman in Batman — and no one is home in the basement.
  4. The damn camera — where do I start? Oh yeah it fucking sux. Next.
  5. And last but not least is the insufficient storage message. I swear to God Apple is running some fake ass Bernie Madoff type Ponzi scheme with their storage. You buy more storage and guess what — you need more storage. You delete all your photos — guest what — you need more storage. You delete all your songs (the songs that don’t even play because they’re kinda on the cloud) guess what — you need more storage. Dear Apple I know your former fearless leader is in the ground — but it’s no reason to start acting like cable companies and making up bullshit services that customers are forced to pay for. It’s retro — and when everyone finally turns to streaming and customers become liberated your storage farse will be part of the vast corporate conspiracy as we leave you for the next sexy and more customer friendly progressive thing. Get your shit/storage together.

Feel free to add comments about how your iPhone sucks. June 28th is when I get my new one — pray that I down throw this one out of the window before then.

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